The following conversation takes place in the comments section of the Stupendously Nice Agent’s Blog, who’s graciously offered up his time to host yet another contest for the benefit of his readers.
The Coolest Writer Ever: Wow! You are the nicest guy ever and I love your blog. You are at the tip top of my must query agents list....
(Insert self described brilliance that is my entry)
Newbie Learning: What a great opportunity. I’ll try my hand at this. Best of luck to all of the entrants.
(Insert carefully written entry here)
Joe Writer: Cool, thanks for hosting!
(Insert entry here)
Been There Done That: Great contest. So far, I like Joe Writer’s entry best, but Newbie’s shows a lot of promise... can’t wait to read all the entries.
(Insert awesome entry here)
Over 150 entries with various degrees of proficiency follow. Some with lovely notes of gratitude, others with comments and kudos to other entrants.
The Coolest Writer Ever: Stupendously Nice Agent Guy, Not to complain or anything, but many of these entrants have not adhered to the rules of this contest... and some of the anonymous ones are posting second and third entries – I can tell because I’m brilliant and their writing style is obvious. I think you should disqualify the ones not playing fair... notice that I played fair, I did, I did...
(The Coolest Writer Ever) now posting as Anonymouse: Yeah! I agree with The Coolest up there! We put a lot of time and energy into following the rules. You should delete all the people who didn’t! If you’re not going to run a fair contest it doesn’t bode well for your reputation as a professional.
Stupendously Nice Agent: Okay, let’s all settle down. This is really just a fun blog exercise.
Many more entries mount and the final count ends at about a bazillion... give or take, discounting the anonymous sniping in comments, as other anonymice have followed suit as trolls are apt to do when they smell blood in the blog queue.
The Major Cool Finalists for the Awesomely Fabulous Contest are announced
Comments add up with various blog followers and contestants alike, voting for their favorites and generally thanking the host with bloggy jokes and kudos for all... and then...
(The Coolest Writer Ever) still posting as Anonymouse: Well, forgive me for being the lone voice of reason, but half of these finalists didn’t follow the rules. One used cliché imagery and another couldn’t master proper English. I saw many entries that were far better written than these... take for instance, The Coolest Writer Ever’s – now hers was well done. I think this contest is crap.
Joe Writer: Hey, Anon, take it easy. It was just a contest and no one twisted your arm to play. Personally, I want to thank Stupendously Nice Agent for taking the time to host.
(The Coolest Writer Ever) still Anon: Joe Writer, nobody asked you and you’re just a suck up anyway! So there!
Anonymous (this one a miscellaneous troll who just likes the drama): I AGREE WITH THE FIRST ANONYMOUS!!! “It was just a contest...” – It might’ve been just a contest, but the prize was world domination! You can’t flaunt that under our desperate attention seeking noses and not expect a little argument when the contest wasn’t fair!
(sulks back into corner and sends off another two thousand form queries in the hopes of selling his major masterpiece that hasn’t yet been written but some ‘professional’ out there must certainly realize his brilliance...)
Stupendously Nice Agent: Sorry for the trouble all. I was just trying to be nice, but I’m getting a little tired of putting in thousands of hours of spare time only to be denigrated by people I’m trying to help. I think that’s it for the contests.
Disclaimer and Explanation: This little parody is in response to Precie’s Novelty contest. To add insult to injury, I went over her word count – so, Ha!
I hope the Stupendously Awesome Agent whose blog contest I used as inspiration does not take offense. The truth is, I think the agents who take their time to blog and discuss the ins and outs of their end of the business are more awesome than words can say. There has never been a better time to learn the craft of writing, and it’s because they are taking time out of their very busy schedules to put information out there that we never would have had prior to hitting publication before.
For those of you anonymice stopping by to read this – it may not matter to you, but you’re ruining it for everyone else. I don’t know if you believe in karma, my friend, but you do reap what you sow... and even if you don’t believe that, use enough common sense to realize that you can’t learn anything when you think you’re always right.
That concludes my parody for today... Hope you all enjoyed it.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Poetic Mystery
Once upon a time, I was paging through my mother’s photo album. Not the, we-are-a-family-all-about-my-children-type-photo-album, mind you, this was her real memory book; the one from before she had kids, the one with the cool pictures of a very young, sassy thing who sported the first ducktail haircut in her high school.
There, in the pages, was a folded piece of paper with a poem inside. She did not write the poem – I know this because at the bottom she’d written “Author Unknown”... I love this poem... absolutely love it. I loved it from the first moment I read it, back when I was about sixteen and when she recently brought me over a typed copy to have, remembering how much I liked it, I read it again... I still love it.
So, where did it come from? Well, now that’s the question that’s bugging me. So I thought I’d put it up here to see if any of you wonderful, and well-read bloggers might be able to point me in the right direction toward finding the author. My mother originally found the poem in a magazine (she can’t remember which one) back in the late fifties or very early sixties. According to that article, the poem was on a plaque at the entranceway to a boys’ reformatory.
I swear that I ain’t stirbugs, Doc,
But in my dreams, I see a clock;
Bigger’n all the world, it seems,
The clock I see, in all my dreams.
‘N fightin’ the hands, I always see,
The little kid I usta be,
‘N hear the kid I once was, cry,
“Turn back! Turn back, before I die!”
‘N scream, ‘n scream, but no one’s there,
‘Cause those who shoulda, didn’t care.
Ya know, Doc, good kids don’t just grow,
It takes some decent folks to show
A kid just what he’s gotta be,
To fit into society.
‘N as a kid, I never had
No one to show me good from bad,
Exceptin’ other kids who thought
That bad meant only getting’ caught.
So I went bad ‘cause no one good,
Looked at a kid, ‘n understood.
I’ll tell ya, no one wants to be,
A menace, to society.
There ain’t a guy inside this pen,
Who wouldn’t like to start again,
And keep the kid he usta be,
From bein’ a case history.
But that’s just wishful thinkin’, Doc,
You never can turn back the clock.
I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I do. If you happen to recognize it and know who the author is or where it came from, I’d love to know... Or if you’ve got any good ideas on how to find out, that would be great, too.
There, in the pages, was a folded piece of paper with a poem inside. She did not write the poem – I know this because at the bottom she’d written “Author Unknown”... I love this poem... absolutely love it. I loved it from the first moment I read it, back when I was about sixteen and when she recently brought me over a typed copy to have, remembering how much I liked it, I read it again... I still love it.
So, where did it come from? Well, now that’s the question that’s bugging me. So I thought I’d put it up here to see if any of you wonderful, and well-read bloggers might be able to point me in the right direction toward finding the author. My mother originally found the poem in a magazine (she can’t remember which one) back in the late fifties or very early sixties. According to that article, the poem was on a plaque at the entranceway to a boys’ reformatory.
The Clock
I swear that I ain’t stirbugs, Doc,
But in my dreams, I see a clock;
Bigger’n all the world, it seems,
The clock I see, in all my dreams.
‘N fightin’ the hands, I always see,
The little kid I usta be,
‘N hear the kid I once was, cry,
“Turn back! Turn back, before I die!”
‘N scream, ‘n scream, but no one’s there,
‘Cause those who shoulda, didn’t care.
Ya know, Doc, good kids don’t just grow,
It takes some decent folks to show
A kid just what he’s gotta be,
To fit into society.
‘N as a kid, I never had
No one to show me good from bad,
Exceptin’ other kids who thought
That bad meant only getting’ caught.
So I went bad ‘cause no one good,
Looked at a kid, ‘n understood.
I’ll tell ya, no one wants to be,
A menace, to society.
There ain’t a guy inside this pen,
Who wouldn’t like to start again,
And keep the kid he usta be,
From bein’ a case history.
But that’s just wishful thinkin’, Doc,
You never can turn back the clock.
I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I do. If you happen to recognize it and know who the author is or where it came from, I’d love to know... Or if you’ve got any good ideas on how to find out, that would be great, too.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Various things for Aerin
I’ve been tagged by the lovely Aerin to tell you all some various things.... okay, so here goes:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning (like this).
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves (if they can).
3. At the end of the post, the player tags 5-6 people and posts their links, and then leaves them a comment, yada, yada – I’m skipping this one. If you’d like to play feel free to take the meme as your own, and drop me a comment so I know to visit.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer (and link love is always appreciated)
What were you doing ten years ago?
Summer of 1998... I had just completed my first year of marriage (I say that the way most people talk about completing prison time... la, la, la). I had just turned twenty five, we bought our first home (which we still live in) and it was my first summer as a stay at home mom... it was a big change year for me... my daughter was well under a year old at the time, so we didn’t do much of the summer/swimming fun stuff that’s become part and parcel of the season for us over the years... I think I was pretty much just getting my bearings at the time.
What were five things on your ‘to-do’ list for today (in no particular order):
1. Littlest guy’s baseball game... (He’s a Cub! Huzzah!)
2. Bring snacks for all the kids on the team (I was snack mom today)
3. Catch with oldest, as she wanted some practice for softball.
4. Work on a few revisions... and I got in a few pages on new wip
5. Can I include cleaning/dishes/laundry/and feeding the family all as one line item – they have to get done daily and five things is a little light for my daily to-do’s.
What are some snacks you enjoy?
Oy, this could be a long list... it depends on my mood...
- yogurt (I’m loving the strawberry cheesecake kind lately, and keylime pie’s always good)
- Guacamole (I know it’s fattening but I do like it)
- Salsa and chips
- Cheese and crackers
- Fresh fruit – watermelon, strawberries, honeydew, cantaloupe, grapes... pretty much anything citrus... mmm... I hate cutting it all up, but I love having it with breakfast or after dinner...
What would you do if you were a billionaire?
Selfish wants.... hmmm.... okay, I love my neighborhood and all my neighbors are awesome, but I’d love a house with a full, renovated basement – preferably one with a kitchen, where we could have family parties and such. I’d also love a bigger regular kitchen with more counterspace because I actually like to cook and bake and could use the room... oh, and my own office and library would be heavenly.
After all of those basics, I’d like to take the family on one nice vacation a year and set up good size trust funds for each of my kids so they wouldn’t have to worry about college or starting out stuff... no college loans to pay off or saving for years to be able to put money down on their first homes... heavenly, I just hope that wouldn’t make them so spoiled that I would be forced to make fun of them.
Otherwise, I don’t have a lot of selfish wants... I might splurge on travel as there are some places I’d like to see, and it would be absolute heaven to never have to worry about income and keep writing to my hearts content... but I can live without all of that, and likely will.
I’d also be a sucker for an enormous amount of charity and would use some of the time that I’d never have to spend working for money to volunteer somewhere where it would be appreciated and needed.
What are three of your bad habits
1. My motto should be, “I’ll procrastinate tomorrow”... seriously detrimental.
2. I am completely disorganized in every area of my life except my writing... odd huh? My manuscript is in order at all phases of the writing process and I update my query/agent research every time I run across something new or anything needs to be noted... my house and schedule on the other hand... well, I never miss anything for the kids but I’m often running around like a nut trying to play catch up because I forgot middle one’s little show thingie was on the same night as oldest’s chorus party... stuff like that keeps me hopping... and my bills are more often in a pile than organized at all.
3. I live in my head... this is actually a plus for the writing facet of my personality, but it’s a detraction to all of the normal people around me... Before the kids I was very social, but my social life has revolved primarily around them for the last ten years and I find myself more daydreamy now than I was in high school.. which amuses me, but annoys a lot of the people vying for my attention at times.
Five places you have lived:
Sorry guys, can’t really answer this one. I’ve always lived in Chicago or the chicagoland area... I could list five towns/neighborhoods, but I don’t really want to draw a roadmap to my house in an online venue
Five jobs you have had:
1. Waitress
2. Receptionist
3. Executive Assistant (really a secretary but the fancy title kept me from asking for a raise... )
4. Stay at Home Mom (should include combat pay, but I’ll digress)
5. Freelance writer (mostly web content business writing)
Last five books you’ve read:
1. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer – I’m currently reading this one and loving it... I know I’m a little late to the party, but I’m glad I finally picked it up.
2. Girls In Trucks by Katie Crouch
3. Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café Really late to that party, it was on my to be read list for a very long time and I adored it.
4. Atonement Yeah, I know, I’m like years behind the trends... that’s because my to be read pile is so flippin huge... wait – Girls in Trucks was a newer release... there, ha.
5. Diary of a Whimpy Kid - I stole this one from my daughter, it’s all the rage among fourth and fifth graders, and it’s really pretty good.
Ello added another great category, so I’m taking her lead... Five movie quotes I love, points for you if you can guess which movie they’re from. Granted, the points aren’t worth anything but bloggy bragging rights, but still a fun game for all.
1. “Candy-gram for Mongo.” - this movie is intensely quotable, I also like:
“I didn’t get a hurrumph outta you!”
“Hurrumph, hurrumph”
“Watch your ass...”
2. “You'll slap me? You slap me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.” – Okay, this one’s a real toughie unless you’re a big time old movie buff... I’ll give you a second quote from the same picture to help your odds a little
“Let’s go and say a prayer for the boy who couldn’t run as fast as I could...”
3. “You know, for all that pirates are clever-called, we are an unimaginative lot when it comes to naming things”
“Like?”
“I once sailed with a geezer lost both his arms and part of his eye.”
“What did you call him?”
“Larry”
4. “Leave the gun, take the cannoli.”
5. “What is the matter with you? I thought Mothers were sweet and nice and patient. I know loan sharks who are more forgiving than you. Your husband ain't dead, lady. He's hiding.” (that’s from one of my favorite Christmas movies...)
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning (like this).
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves (if they can).
3. At the end of the post, the player tags 5-6 people and posts their links, and then leaves them a comment, yada, yada – I’m skipping this one. If you’d like to play feel free to take the meme as your own, and drop me a comment so I know to visit.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer (and link love is always appreciated)
A Meme about Various Things
What were you doing ten years ago?
Summer of 1998... I had just completed my first year of marriage (I say that the way most people talk about completing prison time... la, la, la). I had just turned twenty five, we bought our first home (which we still live in) and it was my first summer as a stay at home mom... it was a big change year for me... my daughter was well under a year old at the time, so we didn’t do much of the summer/swimming fun stuff that’s become part and parcel of the season for us over the years... I think I was pretty much just getting my bearings at the time.
What were five things on your ‘to-do’ list for today (in no particular order):
1. Littlest guy’s baseball game... (He’s a Cub! Huzzah!)
2. Bring snacks for all the kids on the team (I was snack mom today)
3. Catch with oldest, as she wanted some practice for softball.
4. Work on a few revisions... and I got in a few pages on new wip
5. Can I include cleaning/dishes/laundry/and feeding the family all as one line item – they have to get done daily and five things is a little light for my daily to-do’s.
What are some snacks you enjoy?
Oy, this could be a long list... it depends on my mood...
- yogurt (I’m loving the strawberry cheesecake kind lately, and keylime pie’s always good)
- Guacamole (I know it’s fattening but I do like it)
- Salsa and chips
- Cheese and crackers
- Fresh fruit – watermelon, strawberries, honeydew, cantaloupe, grapes... pretty much anything citrus... mmm... I hate cutting it all up, but I love having it with breakfast or after dinner...
What would you do if you were a billionaire?
Selfish wants.... hmmm.... okay, I love my neighborhood and all my neighbors are awesome, but I’d love a house with a full, renovated basement – preferably one with a kitchen, where we could have family parties and such. I’d also love a bigger regular kitchen with more counterspace because I actually like to cook and bake and could use the room... oh, and my own office and library would be heavenly.
After all of those basics, I’d like to take the family on one nice vacation a year and set up good size trust funds for each of my kids so they wouldn’t have to worry about college or starting out stuff... no college loans to pay off or saving for years to be able to put money down on their first homes... heavenly, I just hope that wouldn’t make them so spoiled that I would be forced to make fun of them.
Otherwise, I don’t have a lot of selfish wants... I might splurge on travel as there are some places I’d like to see, and it would be absolute heaven to never have to worry about income and keep writing to my hearts content... but I can live without all of that, and likely will.
I’d also be a sucker for an enormous amount of charity and would use some of the time that I’d never have to spend working for money to volunteer somewhere where it would be appreciated and needed.
What are three of your bad habits
1. My motto should be, “I’ll procrastinate tomorrow”... seriously detrimental.
2. I am completely disorganized in every area of my life except my writing... odd huh? My manuscript is in order at all phases of the writing process and I update my query/agent research every time I run across something new or anything needs to be noted... my house and schedule on the other hand... well, I never miss anything for the kids but I’m often running around like a nut trying to play catch up because I forgot middle one’s little show thingie was on the same night as oldest’s chorus party... stuff like that keeps me hopping... and my bills are more often in a pile than organized at all.
3. I live in my head... this is actually a plus for the writing facet of my personality, but it’s a detraction to all of the normal people around me... Before the kids I was very social, but my social life has revolved primarily around them for the last ten years and I find myself more daydreamy now than I was in high school.. which amuses me, but annoys a lot of the people vying for my attention at times.
Five places you have lived:
Sorry guys, can’t really answer this one. I’ve always lived in Chicago or the chicagoland area... I could list five towns/neighborhoods, but I don’t really want to draw a roadmap to my house in an online venue
Five jobs you have had:
1. Waitress
2. Receptionist
3. Executive Assistant (really a secretary but the fancy title kept me from asking for a raise... )
4. Stay at Home Mom (should include combat pay, but I’ll digress)
5. Freelance writer (mostly web content business writing)
Last five books you’ve read:
1. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer – I’m currently reading this one and loving it... I know I’m a little late to the party, but I’m glad I finally picked it up.
2. Girls In Trucks by Katie Crouch
3. Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café Really late to that party, it was on my to be read list for a very long time and I adored it.
4. Atonement Yeah, I know, I’m like years behind the trends... that’s because my to be read pile is so flippin huge... wait – Girls in Trucks was a newer release... there, ha.
5. Diary of a Whimpy Kid - I stole this one from my daughter, it’s all the rage among fourth and fifth graders, and it’s really pretty good.
Ello added another great category, so I’m taking her lead... Five movie quotes I love, points for you if you can guess which movie they’re from. Granted, the points aren’t worth anything but bloggy bragging rights, but still a fun game for all.
1. “Candy-gram for Mongo.” - this movie is intensely quotable, I also like:
“I didn’t get a hurrumph outta you!”
“Hurrumph, hurrumph”
“Watch your ass...”
2. “You'll slap me? You slap me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.” – Okay, this one’s a real toughie unless you’re a big time old movie buff... I’ll give you a second quote from the same picture to help your odds a little
“Let’s go and say a prayer for the boy who couldn’t run as fast as I could...”
3. “You know, for all that pirates are clever-called, we are an unimaginative lot when it comes to naming things”
“Like?”
“I once sailed with a geezer lost both his arms and part of his eye.”
“What did you call him?”
“Larry”
4. “Leave the gun, take the cannoli.”
5. “What is the matter with you? I thought Mothers were sweet and nice and patient. I know loan sharks who are more forgiving than you. Your husband ain't dead, lady. He's hiding.” (that’s from one of my favorite Christmas movies...)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
First Page Critique - Revisited
First, I'd like to apologize for the scant number of blog posts and lack of visiting I've been doing... If it makes you all feel any better, I've been using my computer time on writing - I'm hustling through some revisions that I think are really an improvement to the novel (don't you hate when you think you're done and then figure out you're really not?)
Besides the first page I'll be posting below, I've also been working on something new. I hadn't intended to, actually. I intended to take this time to work on shorts and leisurely read, and then start researching my next middle grade novel (which is still on the horizon, just pushed back a bit)... but this idea fell into my head and keeps fleshing itself out, so I'm running with it... maybe it'll be a big burst that goes nowhere, maybe it'll become something great. I'll have to follow it to see a bit better, but that's what's been taking my time lately, so I apologize for the absence, bear with me while I get my creative imps under control... okay, I likely won't control them, I like them when they run amok... but I'll try to stop in more often in any case.
Some lovely writers and readers participated in my first page critique a few posts ago, and gave me great feedback on Marigold Mourning, which I've put to some use. Nearing the end of the comments section there, I said I'd post the revision when it's done... this is actually a bit longer than a page now, but I'll post the whole. Same rules apply. Would you keep reading? Would you stop, where, and why?
Marigold's First Page and a bit more:
Marigold stopped short at the sight of the tulips standing upright against her screen door. She never heard the gate squeak open. She’d only been to the alley and back. It couldn’t have taken her more than a minute. Maybe she wouldn’t have heard it from the alley, though. Her scant blond eyebrows drew together above a small pug nose. Where did the flowers come from?
She brushed straying locks back into her ponytail and turned to look at the open yard. There was no one there. Not a shadow. Not a sound. Whoever left them had to be lightning quick to place the bouquet all the way up on her step and leave without her noticing.
Her gaze fell on the open back door as a sudden chill ran up her arms – a prickling sensation that raised the fine hairs all the way up to her neck. Should she check the house? Maybe she should run to a neighbor’s.
“The hell with that,” she thought, “it’s my friggin’ house!”
As she maneuvered up the porch steps, each creak of the wood sent her top teeth a bit further into her bottom lip. She peered in through the window, the bright kitchen lighting made dreary in contrast to the August sunlight outside.
Grabbing the flowers, she searched for a card of some sort, knowing there wouldn’t be one – there never was. The stems were wrapped in lavender ribbon, and she tapped them against her palm, as she paced back and forth over the small porch.
“I’m being silly,” she thought, still pacing, “Too many of Kay’s admonishments to lock the doors and windows... young girl in the big city, blah, blah.”
She looked skyward, as if she might reprimand her sister through the paint chipped boards of the house’s overhang.
“I’m a big girl now. Besides, boogiemen leave creepy things, not fresh flowers.” She said it aloud to prove her point.
Marigold held her breath and opened the door. She plunged into her kitchen in a reckless clatter, as if the noise of her arrival might scare any intruder away. She shoved the flowers into the garbage and grabbed the phone off the counter, hoping her dialing finger would be quicker at nine-one-one than an intruder’s machete arm might be.
“Haaaaaaa!” she yelled, holding the phone over her head as she whipped open the closet door.
After making sure there was nothing more insidious than outdated clothes hanging there, and wondering why she ever thought she could wear orange, she continued her rampage. Marigold shoved back curtains without reservation and mangled innocent boxes under her bed with a broom handle. At the end of her mad dash, she wound up in the kitchen, chest heaving in exhaustion and, perhaps, a bit of pride when the ringing doorbell made her shriek like a little kid on a scary ride at Disney land.
Okie, dokie... feel free to comment, critique, and generally skewer.
Besides the first page I'll be posting below, I've also been working on something new. I hadn't intended to, actually. I intended to take this time to work on shorts and leisurely read, and then start researching my next middle grade novel (which is still on the horizon, just pushed back a bit)... but this idea fell into my head and keeps fleshing itself out, so I'm running with it... maybe it'll be a big burst that goes nowhere, maybe it'll become something great. I'll have to follow it to see a bit better, but that's what's been taking my time lately, so I apologize for the absence, bear with me while I get my creative imps under control... okay, I likely won't control them, I like them when they run amok... but I'll try to stop in more often in any case.
Some lovely writers and readers participated in my first page critique a few posts ago, and gave me great feedback on Marigold Mourning, which I've put to some use. Nearing the end of the comments section there, I said I'd post the revision when it's done... this is actually a bit longer than a page now, but I'll post the whole. Same rules apply. Would you keep reading? Would you stop, where, and why?
Marigold's First Page and a bit more:
Marigold stopped short at the sight of the tulips standing upright against her screen door. She never heard the gate squeak open. She’d only been to the alley and back. It couldn’t have taken her more than a minute. Maybe she wouldn’t have heard it from the alley, though. Her scant blond eyebrows drew together above a small pug nose. Where did the flowers come from?
She brushed straying locks back into her ponytail and turned to look at the open yard. There was no one there. Not a shadow. Not a sound. Whoever left them had to be lightning quick to place the bouquet all the way up on her step and leave without her noticing.
Her gaze fell on the open back door as a sudden chill ran up her arms – a prickling sensation that raised the fine hairs all the way up to her neck. Should she check the house? Maybe she should run to a neighbor’s.
“The hell with that,” she thought, “it’s my friggin’ house!”
As she maneuvered up the porch steps, each creak of the wood sent her top teeth a bit further into her bottom lip. She peered in through the window, the bright kitchen lighting made dreary in contrast to the August sunlight outside.
Grabbing the flowers, she searched for a card of some sort, knowing there wouldn’t be one – there never was. The stems were wrapped in lavender ribbon, and she tapped them against her palm, as she paced back and forth over the small porch.
“I’m being silly,” she thought, still pacing, “Too many of Kay’s admonishments to lock the doors and windows... young girl in the big city, blah, blah.”
She looked skyward, as if she might reprimand her sister through the paint chipped boards of the house’s overhang.
“I’m a big girl now. Besides, boogiemen leave creepy things, not fresh flowers.” She said it aloud to prove her point.
Marigold held her breath and opened the door. She plunged into her kitchen in a reckless clatter, as if the noise of her arrival might scare any intruder away. She shoved the flowers into the garbage and grabbed the phone off the counter, hoping her dialing finger would be quicker at nine-one-one than an intruder’s machete arm might be.
“Haaaaaaa!” she yelled, holding the phone over her head as she whipped open the closet door.
After making sure there was nothing more insidious than outdated clothes hanging there, and wondering why she ever thought she could wear orange, she continued her rampage. Marigold shoved back curtains without reservation and mangled innocent boxes under her bed with a broom handle. At the end of her mad dash, she wound up in the kitchen, chest heaving in exhaustion and, perhaps, a bit of pride when the ringing doorbell made her shriek like a little kid on a scary ride at Disney land.
Okie, dokie... feel free to comment, critique, and generally skewer.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Mothering (for Precie's contest)
The Lovely Precie has challenged me to write a mothering story. Well she’s challenged everyone, actually, there’s a contest up on her blog – deadline is tomorrow, and there are beloved booksies as prizes... anyway, I’ve been putting it off because motherhood as a topic can go in so many different directions and I’ve drawn a blank... plus, I’ve been sick *cough, cough, whine, whine* so, you know, I plead pity to all of the bloggy stuff I’ve been putting off – such as the final revisions on the first page I posted last week.
Mother’s Day, for me, is anything but a day off. Both of my sons have May birthdays, five days (and two years) apart, and they always fall right around Mother’s Day – usually one on either side, but occasionally one of their birthday’s will actually fall on the date. The wind up is, Mother’s Day becomes a joint celebration for their birthdays and Mother’s day, which means I run around like a nut job, buying gifts, baking cakes, and cooking a ginormous dinner, on Mother’s day... The boys get to sing happy birthday and get their gifts from the relatives, the mom and mom in law get gifts from their kids and my kids, and I get three hand made creations, a card, and a big flippin mess to clean up – wait, sometimes I get flowers, too.
Told you I was sick and whiny.
Now, I could go into stories about the platitudes of motherhood. How great it is, how it’s the only job in the world that hugs you goodnight and tells you they love you. All of that’s true. Most days I can’t believe how lucky I am to get to blow bubbles in the backyard without anyone thinking I’ve lost my mind... I get to draw on the sidewalk in chalk again – and they have much prettier colors now, too. I get to play hopscotch and baseball and softball. I get to eat popsicles on the patio and have water gun fights... I’ve gone sledding every good snowfall, and had snowball fights, build forts and few decent snowmen... I’ve done all of the things that, before kids, I thought were gone forever... into the fuzzy oblivion of childhood where everything seemed safe and someone always had the answers.
Now I’m the one who’s supposed to have the answers, though... scary thought. I remember the first year I was in my house. I was twenty four, my daughter was only a few months old, and spring was just starting the bloom. I went into the laundry room to start a load and I moved the basket of dirty clothes to find – ants!! Tons of them! And I screamed... not, “Ahhhhh!”, or an appropriate swear word... I screamed, “Maaaaaaaa!!!” I did, I swear it. It took me a few minutes to realize that I couldn’t do that anymore... I couldn’t just pass every household problem on to my mother... now I was the mother...
I called a bug guy, a great one actually, he’s a friend of mine from forever who happens to be an exterminator, so he sprays my house for me twice a year now to keep away bees and bugs and I haven’t had ants since that first spring ten years ago. It wasn’t that difficult to take care of, most things aren’t, but you don’t know that until you have to be the one in charge.
The thing about mothers is, they’re silent. They don’t tell you all of the things they’re doing behind the scenes. They don’t list out all of the household things they’ve fixed so you wouldn’t be inconvenienced. They don’t mention the school paperwork they’ve gone through, meetings they’ve sat through, messes they’ve cleaned up... they don’t really think about it because if they didn’t do these things, well, they’d have to live with the chaos too... I didn’t think about it when my mom grumbled about the raising taxes... until I paid taxes and then I nodded my head in agreement. I didn’t think about the endless loads of laundry she must have done, until I had a laundry room full of clothes to be done that seemed to grow by five loads a day. I didn’t think about exterminators, until I needed one.
I think sometimes we mothers do ourselves a disservice by being so silent. Sure, if we listed all of these things, the cooking the cleaning the cajoling... if we listed the number of doctors visits with screaming toddlers, the soccer baseball and softball games, the number of rehearsals and lessons... if we listed all of the things we give our time for, well, we’d just be mercenary...
And that’s not what it’s about. I do these things to build a good life for my kids. I do these things because I want them to learn how to be good and happy people, and I want them to have all of the advantages I can give them... so no, I don’t list the things I do, because frankly, I don’t have the time to come up with a list but more than that, listing it would mean that they owed me something – and they don’t. It’s not conditional, this motherhood thing.
So I give up Mother’s Day, because I don’t need a day to honor my being a mother – I’d much rather celebrate my kids, anyway. Pity, though, my kids will likely never realize all of the little things I do, until they have to do them on their own... That day in the laundry room, after I called the bug guy, I called my mom... I don’t remember the conversation anymore, but I’m pretty sure she got the gist of it... I wonder if I’ll get one of those calls from my kids some day.....
Mother’s Day, for me, is anything but a day off. Both of my sons have May birthdays, five days (and two years) apart, and they always fall right around Mother’s Day – usually one on either side, but occasionally one of their birthday’s will actually fall on the date. The wind up is, Mother’s Day becomes a joint celebration for their birthdays and Mother’s day, which means I run around like a nut job, buying gifts, baking cakes, and cooking a ginormous dinner, on Mother’s day... The boys get to sing happy birthday and get their gifts from the relatives, the mom and mom in law get gifts from their kids and my kids, and I get three hand made creations, a card, and a big flippin mess to clean up – wait, sometimes I get flowers, too.
Told you I was sick and whiny.
Now, I could go into stories about the platitudes of motherhood. How great it is, how it’s the only job in the world that hugs you goodnight and tells you they love you. All of that’s true. Most days I can’t believe how lucky I am to get to blow bubbles in the backyard without anyone thinking I’ve lost my mind... I get to draw on the sidewalk in chalk again – and they have much prettier colors now, too. I get to play hopscotch and baseball and softball. I get to eat popsicles on the patio and have water gun fights... I’ve gone sledding every good snowfall, and had snowball fights, build forts and few decent snowmen... I’ve done all of the things that, before kids, I thought were gone forever... into the fuzzy oblivion of childhood where everything seemed safe and someone always had the answers.
Now I’m the one who’s supposed to have the answers, though... scary thought. I remember the first year I was in my house. I was twenty four, my daughter was only a few months old, and spring was just starting the bloom. I went into the laundry room to start a load and I moved the basket of dirty clothes to find – ants!! Tons of them! And I screamed... not, “Ahhhhh!”, or an appropriate swear word... I screamed, “Maaaaaaaa!!!” I did, I swear it. It took me a few minutes to realize that I couldn’t do that anymore... I couldn’t just pass every household problem on to my mother... now I was the mother...
I called a bug guy, a great one actually, he’s a friend of mine from forever who happens to be an exterminator, so he sprays my house for me twice a year now to keep away bees and bugs and I haven’t had ants since that first spring ten years ago. It wasn’t that difficult to take care of, most things aren’t, but you don’t know that until you have to be the one in charge.
The thing about mothers is, they’re silent. They don’t tell you all of the things they’re doing behind the scenes. They don’t list out all of the household things they’ve fixed so you wouldn’t be inconvenienced. They don’t mention the school paperwork they’ve gone through, meetings they’ve sat through, messes they’ve cleaned up... they don’t really think about it because if they didn’t do these things, well, they’d have to live with the chaos too... I didn’t think about it when my mom grumbled about the raising taxes... until I paid taxes and then I nodded my head in agreement. I didn’t think about the endless loads of laundry she must have done, until I had a laundry room full of clothes to be done that seemed to grow by five loads a day. I didn’t think about exterminators, until I needed one.
I think sometimes we mothers do ourselves a disservice by being so silent. Sure, if we listed all of these things, the cooking the cleaning the cajoling... if we listed the number of doctors visits with screaming toddlers, the soccer baseball and softball games, the number of rehearsals and lessons... if we listed all of the things we give our time for, well, we’d just be mercenary...
And that’s not what it’s about. I do these things to build a good life for my kids. I do these things because I want them to learn how to be good and happy people, and I want them to have all of the advantages I can give them... so no, I don’t list the things I do, because frankly, I don’t have the time to come up with a list but more than that, listing it would mean that they owed me something – and they don’t. It’s not conditional, this motherhood thing.
So I give up Mother’s Day, because I don’t need a day to honor my being a mother – I’d much rather celebrate my kids, anyway. Pity, though, my kids will likely never realize all of the little things I do, until they have to do them on their own... That day in the laundry room, after I called the bug guy, I called my mom... I don’t remember the conversation anymore, but I’m pretty sure she got the gist of it... I wonder if I’ll get one of those calls from my kids some day.....
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
First Page Critique
Well, I've been relatively quiet on the blogging front lately, mostly because I've been working on a few short stories. Short stories aren't my usual writing or reading style, to be honest. So it's taken a little work to really get into it, without trying to make the short into a full length novel. So, I thought, since my last few posts have been Query critiques, and since I'm not sure how well my opening is playing, I would open this post up to a critique on my first page...
Any and all comments are welcome. This one is called, Marigold Mourning and it runs a bit under 3,000 words. I wrote it originally a number of months ago and sent it out to rejection, before deciding it definitely needed something... and one of my favorite bloggers suggested I change the opening - which I did. So you guys tell me - does it hold your interest? Would you keep reading? If you wouldn't keep reading, where would you stop and why?
Marigold stopped short at the sight of the bouquet standing upright against her screen door. She turned around, scanning the empty yard and walkway, but she hadn’t heard anyone at the gate and she’d only been to the alley and back. It couldn’t have been more than a minute, how did they get the flowers there and leave... what if they hadn’t left?
Her eyes fell upon the open back door as she maneuvered up the steps, each creak of the wood making her bite her bottom lip a bit harder than the last one. She peered into the kitchen, dreary in contrast to the bright August sunlight of the porch. Grabbing the flowers she searched for a card of some sort, knowing there wouldn’t be one – there never was. The stems were meticulously wrapped in lavender ribbon, and she tapped them against her palm as she paced back and forth over the small wooden porch, trying to decide whether to go in or not.
She held her breath and opened the door, plunging into her kitchen in a reckless clatter, as if the noise of her arrival might scare any intruder away. She shoved the offending flowers into the garbage and grabbed the phone off the counter, hoping her dialing finger would be quicker at nine-one-one than an intruder’s machete arm might be.
“Haaaaaaa!” she yelled, holding the phone over her head as she whipped open the downstairs closet.
After making sure there was nothing more insidious than outdated clothes hanging there, she continued her rampage through the entire house, shoving back curtains and checking under beds with frenzy. At the end of the mad dash, she wound up in the kitchen when the ringing doorbell sent her into orbit.
Okay, usual rules apply - thanks for reading and any feedback you guys can give me.
Any and all comments are welcome. This one is called, Marigold Mourning and it runs a bit under 3,000 words. I wrote it originally a number of months ago and sent it out to rejection, before deciding it definitely needed something... and one of my favorite bloggers suggested I change the opening - which I did. So you guys tell me - does it hold your interest? Would you keep reading? If you wouldn't keep reading, where would you stop and why?
Marigold Mourning - opening page
Marigold stopped short at the sight of the bouquet standing upright against her screen door. She turned around, scanning the empty yard and walkway, but she hadn’t heard anyone at the gate and she’d only been to the alley and back. It couldn’t have been more than a minute, how did they get the flowers there and leave... what if they hadn’t left?
Her eyes fell upon the open back door as she maneuvered up the steps, each creak of the wood making her bite her bottom lip a bit harder than the last one. She peered into the kitchen, dreary in contrast to the bright August sunlight of the porch. Grabbing the flowers she searched for a card of some sort, knowing there wouldn’t be one – there never was. The stems were meticulously wrapped in lavender ribbon, and she tapped them against her palm as she paced back and forth over the small wooden porch, trying to decide whether to go in or not.
She held her breath and opened the door, plunging into her kitchen in a reckless clatter, as if the noise of her arrival might scare any intruder away. She shoved the offending flowers into the garbage and grabbed the phone off the counter, hoping her dialing finger would be quicker at nine-one-one than an intruder’s machete arm might be.
“Haaaaaaa!” she yelled, holding the phone over her head as she whipped open the downstairs closet.
After making sure there was nothing more insidious than outdated clothes hanging there, she continued her rampage through the entire house, shoving back curtains and checking under beds with frenzy. At the end of the mad dash, she wound up in the kitchen when the ringing doorbell sent her into orbit.
Okay, usual rules apply - thanks for reading and any feedback you guys can give me.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Query / Pitch Critique.... Part II
I originally posted an offer to critique pitch and query letters here The offer still stands, so if anyone’s interested in working on their query, pop over and drop yours in the comments section there. For an idea of how this works, you can check out the lovely, Julie Weather’s Query Critique here.
Gina, who came up with the idea in comments on one of my previous blogs, has volunteered her own query. And here we go:
Dear Agent,
“Faithless” is my 100,000-word space opera set in the 70th century, in human-inhabited systems several light years from Earth.
It’s tough enough surviving the world as a human. Try doing it as a resurrected being in the body of a human. That’s Ilana, an impoverished, rebellious eighteen-year-old with strange urges and bad nightmares. She’s a Voth resurrected in the body of a human, but she has no idea—just the feeling that something isn’t right. Her world is turned upside down when her existence comes to the attention of emperor Xim, the only other known Voth resurrection. Imprisoned, and then forced into his service, Ilana manages to win over his treacherous military elite and masterminds a powerful assassination plot against him. But just as she’s poised to strike, she learns her true identity from a terrifying encounter with the alien race Cyon, former slaves of the Voth that are now hunting them. As her current life rapidly loses meaning, she is torn between searching out other Voths in the virgin depths of space, or staying with humanity. But how do you give up the money, power and fame that you struggled so hard to get… for an uncertain life among your own kind?
Here are the first few pages. The story opens in a city on planet Yurin, where eighteen-year-old Ilana is wasting time racing speeders before she is first picked up by the empire:
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely yours,
Author.
Wow, you know, I have very little to nitpick here, which is a good thing, since I’m fairly nitpicky. I think you did a great job of keeping it short and to the point, especially since there seems to be a lot going on here. I won’t say anything about the names, as you pointed out posting this that the names will be changed... actually, I wouldn’t say much either way, except maybe about the planet name... he,he...
I’m not really well versed in sci-fi, so maybe someone else has something to add with the storyline itself. The only thing writing wise is to edit out the ‘But’, in this sentence:
“But just as she’s poised to strike, she learns her true identity from a terrifying encounter with the alien race Cyon, former slaves of the Voth that are now hunting them.”
– also, I had to read that sentence twice to get it (which may be because I’m not a sci-fi buff, so I’ll put that up for another opinion too) I think you could edit it down, cutting either the name ‘Cyon’ or cutting the phrase, ‘alien race’, because they’re explained in the next few words.
I really liked your introduction to the scene in your closing paragraph, it’s unusual, but it had a very star wars kind of feel to it, and I thought it was a nice addition.
I hope that helps some, I know I didn’t give you very much in the way of crit, but I really didn’t see very much to crit. Many thanks to Gina for posting her query for our critique. I invite all of you to offer your crits in the comments, as these work best when they’re interactive with a lot of participation. Same rules apply, all honest feedback welcome, nothing derogatory.
Gina, who came up with the idea in comments on one of my previous blogs, has volunteered her own query. And here we go:
Dear Agent,
“Faithless” is my 100,000-word space opera set in the 70th century, in human-inhabited systems several light years from Earth.
It’s tough enough surviving the world as a human. Try doing it as a resurrected being in the body of a human. That’s Ilana, an impoverished, rebellious eighteen-year-old with strange urges and bad nightmares. She’s a Voth resurrected in the body of a human, but she has no idea—just the feeling that something isn’t right. Her world is turned upside down when her existence comes to the attention of emperor Xim, the only other known Voth resurrection. Imprisoned, and then forced into his service, Ilana manages to win over his treacherous military elite and masterminds a powerful assassination plot against him. But just as she’s poised to strike, she learns her true identity from a terrifying encounter with the alien race Cyon, former slaves of the Voth that are now hunting them. As her current life rapidly loses meaning, she is torn between searching out other Voths in the virgin depths of space, or staying with humanity. But how do you give up the money, power and fame that you struggled so hard to get… for an uncertain life among your own kind?
Here are the first few pages. The story opens in a city on planet Yurin, where eighteen-year-old Ilana is wasting time racing speeders before she is first picked up by the empire:
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely yours,
Author.
Wow, you know, I have very little to nitpick here, which is a good thing, since I’m fairly nitpicky. I think you did a great job of keeping it short and to the point, especially since there seems to be a lot going on here. I won’t say anything about the names, as you pointed out posting this that the names will be changed... actually, I wouldn’t say much either way, except maybe about the planet name... he,he...
I’m not really well versed in sci-fi, so maybe someone else has something to add with the storyline itself. The only thing writing wise is to edit out the ‘But’, in this sentence:
“But just as she’s poised to strike, she learns her true identity from a terrifying encounter with the alien race Cyon, former slaves of the Voth that are now hunting them.”
– also, I had to read that sentence twice to get it (which may be because I’m not a sci-fi buff, so I’ll put that up for another opinion too) I think you could edit it down, cutting either the name ‘Cyon’ or cutting the phrase, ‘alien race’, because they’re explained in the next few words.
I really liked your introduction to the scene in your closing paragraph, it’s unusual, but it had a very star wars kind of feel to it, and I thought it was a nice addition.
I hope that helps some, I know I didn’t give you very much in the way of crit, but I really didn’t see very much to crit. Many thanks to Gina for posting her query for our critique. I invite all of you to offer your crits in the comments, as these work best when they’re interactive with a lot of participation. Same rules apply, all honest feedback welcome, nothing derogatory.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Six sorta random weird little things... or, another meme
Sidenote: Gina and Query/pitch critiquers, I promised this meme out to Precie a few days ago, so I’m posting it first – I’ll have Gina’s crit up in a day or so, so stay tuned.
I've been tagged by Precie
The rules:
a. Link to the person who tagged you.
b. Post the rules on your blog.
c. Write six random things about yourself.
d. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
e. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment at their blog.
f. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.
My Six Things:
1. I have favorite desserts for each season, and occasionally each month... odd aren’t I? Seriously, January’s an off month as there’s nothing much going on and I’m probably too bloated from Christmas. Buuut:
- February – I have a need for chocolate covered cherries at valentine’s time
- March – My birthday month, so my cake has to be chocolate, preferably Devil’s Food
- April (or March depending on when Easter falls) You think I’m going to say peeps... but it’s jelly beans, I have to have them and they can’t be the jelly belly’s even though everyone else on the planet loves them and they can’t be starburst – they have to be the cheap crap ones in the ginormous bag, just like the ones I found in my own Easter basket as a kid.
- May (two birthdays and an anniversary this month) though I don’t have a need of it, I always wind up having Chocolate cake with butter cream frosting at least three times this month.
- June – ah, an off month, how flippin refreshing... though I do have to have good Italian Ice (and the place I like is like a half hour’s drive from my house, because it’s in my old neighborhood and yes I risk the flippin drive by’s to go back and get a couple containers and the homemade pizza at least once a summer... I also have a need to have at least one push up – you remember the orange sherbert crap in the little cardboard container that you had to push up from the bottom and it spilled all over your hand and arm... Yeah, that was my favorite from the ice cream man and though I haven’t seen him in eons, I still need at least one a season... So those two cover June and August...
- July – I have to have a slice of apple pie – I know, annoying, but I like apple pie, though not ala mode, especially if they use a good amount of cinnamon in the filling...
- September – Spice cake with butter cream frosting, as soon as fall starts rolling in I get a hankering... I also need at least one batch of banana bread with a large slathering of nut butter, but that’s not dessert so it doesn’t flippin count.
- October – forget the candy, I need a caramel apple, preferably affy taffy... with nuts, and I hate it when they hide the granny smith apples in there, those are no good, I like the red or golden ones
- Novemeber – me needs to have at least one slice of good pumpkin pie
- December... oh, let me count the ways... well then, I have to have at least a few mint meltaways (for those of you unfamiliar with Fannie May, I’m so sorry, you’re missing out) I also love the Christmas cookies, especially my homemade Italian Knot cookies with the red and green sprinkles... la, la, la... oh and of course a few candy canes.
2. Wanna laugh? Besides that long list of sweets I rambled on about up there, I rarely eat sweets... I have those specific things with the seasons they come in... Otherwise, I’ll usually pass on desserts and have a small slice of cake at birthdays to be polite, but I don’t go out of my way for a sugar fix often, and I usually opt for fresh fruit.
3. It’s been a weird few weeks and I’ve actually gotten to see a number of people who I haven’t seen since my early twenties – I’ve heard at least three times that I’m even smaller now than I was then, which is really awesome to hear, but.... I’m a size larger, thank you very much... rather proud of it in fact – it’s not that easy to bear three, rather large children (youngest was 9 pounds 12 ounces at birth) and only go up from an 8 to a 10.. It’s not a size two, I was never going to be a size two, I’d fall over, but you think I’m thinner because I’ve lost the baby fat in my face which isn’t supposed to be a good thing but there ya go.
4. I have no sense of direction and don’t really care. Seriously, I will get lost going anywhere without a set of directions, unless it’s a place I know by heart. I’m notorious for taking the wrong highway and getting us lost and for me it was always the fun of the trip, which tended to annoy my friends – once, my friend Taryn and I were on our way to a concert and I missed the turn off, so instead of going to the concert we hung out in Milwaukee for the day – bothering sailors (seriously, we found sailors on leave and made them take pictures with us) and goofing around... we had such a good time, neither of us cared that we missed the concert.
5. I smoke. Gasp, go ahead, call the smoke Nazis and tell me how bad it is for my health... I actually already know it’s bad for my health.. really, I do.... so is my driving, but I’ll digress on that point. I’ve quit, I think eight times already, sometimes for months, even years... (three pregnancies and breastfeeding... you’d think I’d just never start again)... I will quit again, and for good this time. I was supposed to start on those pills, my dentist had me all hyped about it, and then she wouldn’t prescribe them because she thought I should go through an MD, which was probably a wise thing to say, but jeesh, just prescribe them and shush-y... so I’ll ask my thyroid guy when I go for my next check up and let you guys know where I’m at with it.
6. Okay, here’s a good one – my blog address is happy cat, my name literally translates to Happy Mountain lion, but I hate cats... I’m a dog person.
Well, if you made it all the way through that ramble, here are my six people for to pass on this meme....
Colleen Katana
Mary Witzl
Stephen Parrish
Julie Weathers
JJ Debenedictis
Jersey Girl
Okay, I’ll let all my meme recipients know in the morning... feel free to point and laugh at my silliness in the comments.
I've been tagged by Precie
The rules:
a. Link to the person who tagged you.
b. Post the rules on your blog.
c. Write six random things about yourself.
d. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
e. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment at their blog.
f. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.
My Six Things:
1. I have favorite desserts for each season, and occasionally each month... odd aren’t I? Seriously, January’s an off month as there’s nothing much going on and I’m probably too bloated from Christmas. Buuut:
- February – I have a need for chocolate covered cherries at valentine’s time
- March – My birthday month, so my cake has to be chocolate, preferably Devil’s Food
- April (or March depending on when Easter falls) You think I’m going to say peeps... but it’s jelly beans, I have to have them and they can’t be the jelly belly’s even though everyone else on the planet loves them and they can’t be starburst – they have to be the cheap crap ones in the ginormous bag, just like the ones I found in my own Easter basket as a kid.
- May (two birthdays and an anniversary this month) though I don’t have a need of it, I always wind up having Chocolate cake with butter cream frosting at least three times this month.
- June – ah, an off month, how flippin refreshing... though I do have to have good Italian Ice (and the place I like is like a half hour’s drive from my house, because it’s in my old neighborhood and yes I risk the flippin drive by’s to go back and get a couple containers and the homemade pizza at least once a summer... I also have a need to have at least one push up – you remember the orange sherbert crap in the little cardboard container that you had to push up from the bottom and it spilled all over your hand and arm... Yeah, that was my favorite from the ice cream man and though I haven’t seen him in eons, I still need at least one a season... So those two cover June and August...
- July – I have to have a slice of apple pie – I know, annoying, but I like apple pie, though not ala mode, especially if they use a good amount of cinnamon in the filling...
- September – Spice cake with butter cream frosting, as soon as fall starts rolling in I get a hankering... I also need at least one batch of banana bread with a large slathering of nut butter, but that’s not dessert so it doesn’t flippin count.
- October – forget the candy, I need a caramel apple, preferably affy taffy... with nuts, and I hate it when they hide the granny smith apples in there, those are no good, I like the red or golden ones
- Novemeber – me needs to have at least one slice of good pumpkin pie
- December... oh, let me count the ways... well then, I have to have at least a few mint meltaways (for those of you unfamiliar with Fannie May, I’m so sorry, you’re missing out) I also love the Christmas cookies, especially my homemade Italian Knot cookies with the red and green sprinkles... la, la, la... oh and of course a few candy canes.
2. Wanna laugh? Besides that long list of sweets I rambled on about up there, I rarely eat sweets... I have those specific things with the seasons they come in... Otherwise, I’ll usually pass on desserts and have a small slice of cake at birthdays to be polite, but I don’t go out of my way for a sugar fix often, and I usually opt for fresh fruit.
3. It’s been a weird few weeks and I’ve actually gotten to see a number of people who I haven’t seen since my early twenties – I’ve heard at least three times that I’m even smaller now than I was then, which is really awesome to hear, but.... I’m a size larger, thank you very much... rather proud of it in fact – it’s not that easy to bear three, rather large children (youngest was 9 pounds 12 ounces at birth) and only go up from an 8 to a 10.. It’s not a size two, I was never going to be a size two, I’d fall over, but you think I’m thinner because I’ve lost the baby fat in my face which isn’t supposed to be a good thing but there ya go.
4. I have no sense of direction and don’t really care. Seriously, I will get lost going anywhere without a set of directions, unless it’s a place I know by heart. I’m notorious for taking the wrong highway and getting us lost and for me it was always the fun of the trip, which tended to annoy my friends – once, my friend Taryn and I were on our way to a concert and I missed the turn off, so instead of going to the concert we hung out in Milwaukee for the day – bothering sailors (seriously, we found sailors on leave and made them take pictures with us) and goofing around... we had such a good time, neither of us cared that we missed the concert.
5. I smoke. Gasp, go ahead, call the smoke Nazis and tell me how bad it is for my health... I actually already know it’s bad for my health.. really, I do.... so is my driving, but I’ll digress on that point. I’ve quit, I think eight times already, sometimes for months, even years... (three pregnancies and breastfeeding... you’d think I’d just never start again)... I will quit again, and for good this time. I was supposed to start on those pills, my dentist had me all hyped about it, and then she wouldn’t prescribe them because she thought I should go through an MD, which was probably a wise thing to say, but jeesh, just prescribe them and shush-y... so I’ll ask my thyroid guy when I go for my next check up and let you guys know where I’m at with it.
6. Okay, here’s a good one – my blog address is happy cat, my name literally translates to Happy Mountain lion, but I hate cats... I’m a dog person.
Well, if you made it all the way through that ramble, here are my six people for to pass on this meme....
Colleen Katana
Mary Witzl
Stephen Parrish
Julie Weathers
JJ Debenedictis
Jersey Girl
Okay, I’ll let all my meme recipients know in the morning... feel free to point and laugh at my silliness in the comments.
Monday, April 21, 2008
My Town Monday and other announcements...
Query / Pitch Critique: For those of you who haven’t ventured by lately (my own fault as I’ve been a sporadic blogger) The last two posts have been dedicated to critiquing queries and pitches... If you’d like to help crit our first query, graciously volunteered by Ms. Julie Weathers, stop on over and leave your feedback in the comments. I’m still open to new queries and pitches so if you’d like to work on yours stop by the original post and leave your pitch in the comments section.
Spotlight Blogger: My real world friend, Dina Darling, has a blog!!! Though when I knew her, we simply called her Dina Beans... Dina and I went to high school together and recently got together with another close friend for a girl’s night of silliness. She is one of the most genuine and caring people you will ever meet so if you get a few seconds, pop on by and welcome her into the blogger fold. Dina posts some poetry and verse and a lot of musical musings as well as photos – she freelances as a band photographer (how flippin cool is that?)
And on to the post...
For those of you rolling your eyes bear with me here. One of the great things about studying the legends of an area is that it brings you closer to the place’s history. Chicago has a wide array of people from different parts of the globe and many of us are first or second generationers, which make us a little more intrigued by all things superstitious. Where there is a personal connection with these places, I’ll include it – otherwise, what follows is just a brief snapshot of some of our more infamous hauntings and the legends behind them.
Resurrection Mary
Resurrection Cemetery is located on Archer Avenue in Justice Illinois, west of the actual city limits. Since the 1930’s there have been sightings of the woman who has become known as Resurrection Mary on a stretch of Archer between what is now Willowbrook Ballroom and the main cemetery gates. Sightings include men who’ve met with the young woman (usually described as a blond haired blue eyed girl in her late teens or early twenties) in the dance hall, one that was in fact there during the 30’s, then called the O. Henry Ballroom. The men tell varying stories – some danced with the young woman for most of the night, when driving her home she asked them to stop in front of the cemetery and then she ran toward the gates and disappeared. Others say she disappeared from within the car when they got to the cemetery gates.
Other stories involve men picking up the young woman hitchhiking on the road or, in fact, running her over – but by the time they exit their vehicle the apparition has disappeared. Chicago area ghost hunters have been on the hunt for the actual historical verification of the young girl for years. There are a few different theories on who she might be, usually identified as a girl of polish decent, sometimes a girl named Anna Norkus who was killed in an automobile accident on the way home from the O. Henry with her father in the 1930’s.
There are a plethora of pictures taken by amateur ghost hunters showing orbs and other variations of light play, but perhaps the most notable physical evidence of this legend, or that has been tied to this legend, are on the bars of the cemetery itself. One observer noted the girl’s hand grasping the bars to the cemetery gates as she disappeared. When he went to look at the place she had been, the bars were badly misshapen and burned where her hands had been. Cemetery officials claim that the damage to the bars is due to an accident involving a truck.
Photo of Resurrection Cemetery Bars, from Wikipedia Page on Resurrection Mary
When I was a teenager, this was a favorite spot to go at night and creep yourselves out. We’d stand at the bars and take turns putting our hands where Mary’s hands had supposedly left their imprint. The legend as I was told it... while drinking and scaring the bejeezus out of one another, was that the bars had been replaced once, but the marks came back in the same exact spot.
Meet Emily
Theatre people have some of the best ghost stories. In Cicero, theatre is taken pretty seriously, oddly enough. As a side note for the star minded, Cicero and Morton High School and College are home to Joe Mantegna... and the kid from My Bodyguard of 1980’s fame, but I don’t remember his name.
Me loves me some Joe Mantegna - come on, he's adorable! Photo from his website
Emily is (or was) the ghost of the Morton College Theatre. Historically, she was an actual girl who was murdered in 1969 and the crime was never solved. At the time of her disappearance and death, the college campus was just about to be built – Morton College was, in its early days, operating out of Morton East High School Campus, and their Chodl auditorium has its own ghost story as well. Emily’s body was discovered when the construction crews went to break ground on what is now the site of the theatre portion of the college campus.
I had a lot of friends involved in that theatre and for a year or longer, I worked on sets and did lighting for some of their productions, so I’m pretty familiar with the lore. Emily had her own seat in the back of the theatre, to the right hand side of the booth. That particular seat got icy cold and no one who spent any time around the theatre would sit in it. In researching this particular post, I ran across a number of articles that indicated that Emily was known to frequent particularly violent productions – but I’d never heard that during my time around the theatre, so I don’t know where that bit of lore comes from.
What I do know is that sightings almost always occurred late at night. The janitorial crew was especially spooked by Emily as she seemed to like to mess with people when they were alone in the building. She did such things as play with the elevator buttons, appear on the roof and then jump off, and throw stones and small objects at people. As I recall, she was around for a lot of the musicals, or at least people seemed to think she was around. A friend of mine who’s been in and around the theatre in recent years informs me that Emily has finally moved on. She hasn’t been sighted in a long time and the theatre community no longer has a fear of the seat in the back row. The theory always was that Emily couldn't rest because her killer was never caught. There weren't even any leads at the time. So one theory is that her murderer may have met his demise or gotten caught on a different crime - there were all sorts of theories on who and why, but there never was a concrete suspect. Most of us aware of her story assumed it was a stranger, and in 1969 the idea of serial killers wasn't really well known.
Dillinger’s Alley:
Many of you know the story of John Dillinger, but I’ll refresh your memory if you’d like. John Dillinger and his band of bank robbers were notorious during the 1930’s. While FBI sources list him as a scourge and cold blooded killer, the public consensus at the time was much more forgiving. Remember, this was during the great depression and people were none too keen on banks, having been left penniless by these un-backed institutions after the crash of 1929. Dillinger was seen as a sort of robin hood, though he didn’t actually give his loot to the poor to my knowledge, but he and Baby Face Nelson and other criminals of the time did revel in burning the bank’s mortgage notes and debt records, which was a nice little boost to all those people getting ready to lose their homes.
Photo of Biograph as it appeared in 1934
Dillinger was set up and ambushed at the Biograph Theater in Chicago in 1934. He made the FBI agent upon leaving the theater, drew his gun, and tried to escape down the alley next to the building – but he was gunned down in the alleyway. The neighborhood still boasts Dillinger’s death as a claim to fame and the bar next door actually put a sign in the window the next day implying that Dillinger had his last drink there. You can go into the theater and sit in the seat that Dillinger occupied before his death and there’s a plaque erected near the ticket booth to commemorate the event. Most notorious for ghost hunters though is the appearance of Dillinger in later years. Witnesses claim to have seen him running from the theatre, a lone spector in the middle of a scene no one else can see, and then falling to the ground in the middle of the alley to disappear.
Photo of Biograph today
There are, of course, other haunts in the Chicagoland area, such as Hull House, Harpo Studios, and the site of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. But this post has gotten far too long already, if you feel like researching haunts in your own hometowns though, let me know... I always love a good ghost story.
I'm an idiot!!!! I forgot to thank the wonderful Travis for starting the My Town Monday series... if you've just stumbled upon it here, go check out Travis' blog for a list of all the bloggers participating and to get a flavor for all the locations being spotlighted.
Spotlight Blogger: My real world friend, Dina Darling, has a blog!!! Though when I knew her, we simply called her Dina Beans... Dina and I went to high school together and recently got together with another close friend for a girl’s night of silliness. She is one of the most genuine and caring people you will ever meet so if you get a few seconds, pop on by and welcome her into the blogger fold. Dina posts some poetry and verse and a lot of musical musings as well as photos – she freelances as a band photographer (how flippin cool is that?)
And on to the post...
Haunted Chicago... meet the neighbors
For those of you rolling your eyes bear with me here. One of the great things about studying the legends of an area is that it brings you closer to the place’s history. Chicago has a wide array of people from different parts of the globe and many of us are first or second generationers, which make us a little more intrigued by all things superstitious. Where there is a personal connection with these places, I’ll include it – otherwise, what follows is just a brief snapshot of some of our more infamous hauntings and the legends behind them.
Resurrection Mary
Resurrection Cemetery is located on Archer Avenue in Justice Illinois, west of the actual city limits. Since the 1930’s there have been sightings of the woman who has become known as Resurrection Mary on a stretch of Archer between what is now Willowbrook Ballroom and the main cemetery gates. Sightings include men who’ve met with the young woman (usually described as a blond haired blue eyed girl in her late teens or early twenties) in the dance hall, one that was in fact there during the 30’s, then called the O. Henry Ballroom. The men tell varying stories – some danced with the young woman for most of the night, when driving her home she asked them to stop in front of the cemetery and then she ran toward the gates and disappeared. Others say she disappeared from within the car when they got to the cemetery gates.
Other stories involve men picking up the young woman hitchhiking on the road or, in fact, running her over – but by the time they exit their vehicle the apparition has disappeared. Chicago area ghost hunters have been on the hunt for the actual historical verification of the young girl for years. There are a few different theories on who she might be, usually identified as a girl of polish decent, sometimes a girl named Anna Norkus who was killed in an automobile accident on the way home from the O. Henry with her father in the 1930’s.
There are a plethora of pictures taken by amateur ghost hunters showing orbs and other variations of light play, but perhaps the most notable physical evidence of this legend, or that has been tied to this legend, are on the bars of the cemetery itself. One observer noted the girl’s hand grasping the bars to the cemetery gates as she disappeared. When he went to look at the place she had been, the bars were badly misshapen and burned where her hands had been. Cemetery officials claim that the damage to the bars is due to an accident involving a truck.
Photo of Resurrection Cemetery Bars, from Wikipedia Page on Resurrection Mary
When I was a teenager, this was a favorite spot to go at night and creep yourselves out. We’d stand at the bars and take turns putting our hands where Mary’s hands had supposedly left their imprint. The legend as I was told it... while drinking and scaring the bejeezus out of one another, was that the bars had been replaced once, but the marks came back in the same exact spot.
Meet Emily
Theatre people have some of the best ghost stories. In Cicero, theatre is taken pretty seriously, oddly enough. As a side note for the star minded, Cicero and Morton High School and College are home to Joe Mantegna... and the kid from My Bodyguard of 1980’s fame, but I don’t remember his name.
Me loves me some Joe Mantegna - come on, he's adorable! Photo from his website
Emily is (or was) the ghost of the Morton College Theatre. Historically, she was an actual girl who was murdered in 1969 and the crime was never solved. At the time of her disappearance and death, the college campus was just about to be built – Morton College was, in its early days, operating out of Morton East High School Campus, and their Chodl auditorium has its own ghost story as well. Emily’s body was discovered when the construction crews went to break ground on what is now the site of the theatre portion of the college campus.
I had a lot of friends involved in that theatre and for a year or longer, I worked on sets and did lighting for some of their productions, so I’m pretty familiar with the lore. Emily had her own seat in the back of the theatre, to the right hand side of the booth. That particular seat got icy cold and no one who spent any time around the theatre would sit in it. In researching this particular post, I ran across a number of articles that indicated that Emily was known to frequent particularly violent productions – but I’d never heard that during my time around the theatre, so I don’t know where that bit of lore comes from.
What I do know is that sightings almost always occurred late at night. The janitorial crew was especially spooked by Emily as she seemed to like to mess with people when they were alone in the building. She did such things as play with the elevator buttons, appear on the roof and then jump off, and throw stones and small objects at people. As I recall, she was around for a lot of the musicals, or at least people seemed to think she was around. A friend of mine who’s been in and around the theatre in recent years informs me that Emily has finally moved on. She hasn’t been sighted in a long time and the theatre community no longer has a fear of the seat in the back row. The theory always was that Emily couldn't rest because her killer was never caught. There weren't even any leads at the time. So one theory is that her murderer may have met his demise or gotten caught on a different crime - there were all sorts of theories on who and why, but there never was a concrete suspect. Most of us aware of her story assumed it was a stranger, and in 1969 the idea of serial killers wasn't really well known.
Dillinger’s Alley:
Many of you know the story of John Dillinger, but I’ll refresh your memory if you’d like. John Dillinger and his band of bank robbers were notorious during the 1930’s. While FBI sources list him as a scourge and cold blooded killer, the public consensus at the time was much more forgiving. Remember, this was during the great depression and people were none too keen on banks, having been left penniless by these un-backed institutions after the crash of 1929. Dillinger was seen as a sort of robin hood, though he didn’t actually give his loot to the poor to my knowledge, but he and Baby Face Nelson and other criminals of the time did revel in burning the bank’s mortgage notes and debt records, which was a nice little boost to all those people getting ready to lose their homes.
Photo of Biograph as it appeared in 1934
Dillinger was set up and ambushed at the Biograph Theater in Chicago in 1934. He made the FBI agent upon leaving the theater, drew his gun, and tried to escape down the alley next to the building – but he was gunned down in the alleyway. The neighborhood still boasts Dillinger’s death as a claim to fame and the bar next door actually put a sign in the window the next day implying that Dillinger had his last drink there. You can go into the theater and sit in the seat that Dillinger occupied before his death and there’s a plaque erected near the ticket booth to commemorate the event. Most notorious for ghost hunters though is the appearance of Dillinger in later years. Witnesses claim to have seen him running from the theatre, a lone spector in the middle of a scene no one else can see, and then falling to the ground in the middle of the alley to disappear.
Photo of Biograph today
There are, of course, other haunts in the Chicagoland area, such as Hull House, Harpo Studios, and the site of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. But this post has gotten far too long already, if you feel like researching haunts in your own hometowns though, let me know... I always love a good ghost story.
I'm an idiot!!!! I forgot to thank the wonderful Travis for starting the My Town Monday series... if you've just stumbled upon it here, go check out Travis' blog for a list of all the bloggers participating and to get a flavor for all the locations being spotlighted.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Query / Pitch Critique.... Part I
The first post in this series is here. If you missed it when it was first posted, haven’t had a chance yet to post your pitch in comments, or decide after reading this one that you’d like to post your own pitch for critique, feel free to drop a comment with your pitch at the first post and I can include it in subsequent crits. Originally I planned on doing one blog post with any pitch / query critiques that were wanted – but I realized how long that one post would be, so it’ll be a series, for as long as you’re all interested in working on them.
Before posting my critique, I thought I’d point out a few things for anyone who needs to do a little digging on how to better hone their query. Most of the best advice on query and pitch writing that I’ve gotten over the last year or so has come about through blogging – it’s more than just a time suck, though as Josie points out from her time with Donald Maass, if it scratches the itch it can be detrimental.
Here are a few blog references for those looking to see how a query / pitch might work best, from some people with much better experience than I:
Most of the agents in my sidebar have done posts on how to write (or how not to write) a query – if you search their sites, you’ll find some fabulous advice.
BookEnds held a series of pitch crits that I learned a great deal from... my own pitch has changed significantly since then, but I knew I was at least on the right track there... there are numerous posts and a significant amount of great feedback from writers in the comments, but it’s worth the time to read through if you haven’t seen it yet.
Our own JJdebenedictis, who recently gained representation, held The Goblin’s Crucible, and many pitches were improved. (Check out JJ’s winning query letter for a good example of what’s worked).
The lovely and talented Moonrat held a Book Blurb contest that was stellar in not only developing pitch but also a working start at synopsis... her contest was to give a back cover blurb (your pitch), jacket flap copy (your synopsis minus the ending), and a tagline.
Okay.... and now it’s time.... our very first entry:
Dear Perfect Agent;
I’m guessing this was a typo, but just in case, it should be a colon (:) or comma (,) depending on your preference or the agent’s
(Personalized note about agent.)
I generally include genre and word count in the opening paragraph as well, that way you don’t have to include the line towards the end, “Paladin's Pride is a fantasy novel, which is complete at 130,000 words.” Which seems out of place and a little awkward stuck in between the pitch and bio sections. I try to keep it to one or two sentences particular to the agent and why I am querying them, usually I can tie it neatly in with my genre – for an example with yours, you might mention a book they rep in your genre and draw a parallel between the writing style or subject matter and your own and finish the sentence with, ‘I thought my fantasy novel would be a good fit for your list’ or ‘a good fit for representation’ I finish that small paragraph with a straight forward sentence on word count – if you’ve already mentioned the genre, you might use, “PALADIN’S PRIDE is complete at 130,000 words.” – When you reference the name of your novel, most sources state that ALL CAPS is the correct format for query.
Just to give you an over-view before I get into specifics, this is too long with too much description. Your story sounds both interesting and fun, but a reader might not wade through all the extra verbiage to find that out. You want your pitch paragraph to be just that, one paragraph – two at the most, but it needs to be concise and it needs to intrigue the reader – the agent doesn’t need to know the whole story from your query, they only need their interest piqued. Look at some of the back cover blurbs on your favorite books – the really good blurbs will give you a great indication of what your pitch paragraphs should look like.
The king is missing. The infant prince is being poisoned. Guards loyal to the king are systematically exiled or killed. It's a dangerous time for a sixteen-year-old girl to join a unit connected to the king's elite Horse Guards, some of his most loyal troops. It's especially dangerous for a girl who has caught the eye of a demon, a pirate and the demon caller.
Gentyl has always dreamed of joining the Horse Guards when she was old enough. However, after the last of the missing king's personal guards is executed like a common criminal, her parents enroll her in an exclusive healing school, where she will be protected. Gentyl thinks her prayers have been answered and she has found favor with the Divine One, when she is accidentally assigned to a military unit instead.
On the verge of civil war and ethnic cleansing, her kingdom is rapidly approaching a disaster unless the king is found. Gentyl is assigned to watch over the king's seemingly senile wizard, but when he includes her in his efforts to solve the disappearance of the king and his guards, she learns Saerowyn is not nearly as helpless or addled as he wants people to think he is.
She survives an assassin's blade, court intrigue, a battle with an undead champion, the pirate's attentions, and the demon's attempts to possess her, but her greatest challenge may be conquering her temper and pride.
I like your opening three sentences, they’re punchy and to the point and they draw you right in. The last paragraph has good potential, too, it’s everything in the middle that needs to be edited down. I’m going to give you a brief rewrite at the end, feel free to keep or discard whatever you like. Obviously, you know your story a heck of a lot better than I do. Another thing to keep in consideration is the fact that your own voice, the voice of your story, needs to be as present in the query as possible.
Another thing I noticed, and this may be a personal thing but I’ll include it anyway – the name, Saerowyn, for a wizard sounds too close to Sauron from Lord of the Rings to me. It was the first thing I thought of – though others might disagree.
Paladin's Pride is a fantasy novel, which is complete at 130,000 words.
I was a staff writer for Speedhorse Racing Report for seventeen years. During that time I wrote weekly stories about Quarter Horse, Paint and Appaloosa racing in Canada, Mexico and the United States. I also wrote several stories about the history of various tracks and articles about equine health. One of my stories was nominated for the AQHA Sprint award.
I like your bio; you keep it right on track tying your publishing history into the specifics of the Horse Guard aspect of your story. The only thing I might do differently is to list the story that was nominated for the award by name, giving the date or year of the nomination.
Thank you for your consideration and time.
Julie Weathers
My Pitch Re-Write:
The king is missing. The infant prince is being poisoned. Guards loyal to the crown are systematically exiled or killed. It's a dangerous time for sixteen-year-old, Gentyl, to join the king's elite Horse Guards, especially since she’s caught the eye of a demon, a pirate, and the demon caller.
When Gentyl’s assignment includes watching over a senile wizard, she’s drawn into his clandestine efforts to solve the disappearance of the king and his guards. She can survive an assassin's blade, court intrigue, and the demon's attempts to possess her, but her greatest challenge may be in conquering her own temper and pride.
Okay, as I said earlier, use or discard any of my rewrite / crit as you see fit. I’ve cut a lot of information that you may think is more important than what I’ve kept – you know your story better than I do, so it’s really all about how you are comfortable pitching it – the main point is to narrow down exactly what you want to say to entice a reader, rather than giving it away plot point by plot point.
A very big thank you to Julie for putting her query up for public critique. I’m going to open the comments here to you guys – add in all of your thoughts, crits, whatever is constructive to our author. As I said in the first post, honest crits are always welcome, but nothing derogatory.
If you all are still interested in my opinion, feel free to hit the link at the top for the first post on Query / Pitch crits and drop your own in my comments for feedback....
Before posting my critique, I thought I’d point out a few things for anyone who needs to do a little digging on how to better hone their query. Most of the best advice on query and pitch writing that I’ve gotten over the last year or so has come about through blogging – it’s more than just a time suck, though as Josie points out from her time with Donald Maass, if it scratches the itch it can be detrimental.
Here are a few blog references for those looking to see how a query / pitch might work best, from some people with much better experience than I:
Most of the agents in my sidebar have done posts on how to write (or how not to write) a query – if you search their sites, you’ll find some fabulous advice.
BookEnds held a series of pitch crits that I learned a great deal from... my own pitch has changed significantly since then, but I knew I was at least on the right track there... there are numerous posts and a significant amount of great feedback from writers in the comments, but it’s worth the time to read through if you haven’t seen it yet.
Our own JJdebenedictis, who recently gained representation, held The Goblin’s Crucible, and many pitches were improved. (Check out JJ’s winning query letter for a good example of what’s worked).
The lovely and talented Moonrat held a Book Blurb contest that was stellar in not only developing pitch but also a working start at synopsis... her contest was to give a back cover blurb (your pitch), jacket flap copy (your synopsis minus the ending), and a tagline.
Okay.... and now it’s time.... our very first entry:
Dear Perfect Agent;
I’m guessing this was a typo, but just in case, it should be a colon (:) or comma (,) depending on your preference or the agent’s
(Personalized note about agent.)
I generally include genre and word count in the opening paragraph as well, that way you don’t have to include the line towards the end, “Paladin's Pride is a fantasy novel, which is complete at 130,000 words.” Which seems out of place and a little awkward stuck in between the pitch and bio sections. I try to keep it to one or two sentences particular to the agent and why I am querying them, usually I can tie it neatly in with my genre – for an example with yours, you might mention a book they rep in your genre and draw a parallel between the writing style or subject matter and your own and finish the sentence with, ‘I thought my fantasy novel would be a good fit for your list’ or ‘a good fit for representation’ I finish that small paragraph with a straight forward sentence on word count – if you’ve already mentioned the genre, you might use, “PALADIN’S PRIDE is complete at 130,000 words.” – When you reference the name of your novel, most sources state that ALL CAPS is the correct format for query.
Just to give you an over-view before I get into specifics, this is too long with too much description. Your story sounds both interesting and fun, but a reader might not wade through all the extra verbiage to find that out. You want your pitch paragraph to be just that, one paragraph – two at the most, but it needs to be concise and it needs to intrigue the reader – the agent doesn’t need to know the whole story from your query, they only need their interest piqued. Look at some of the back cover blurbs on your favorite books – the really good blurbs will give you a great indication of what your pitch paragraphs should look like.
The king is missing. The infant prince is being poisoned. Guards loyal to the king are systematically exiled or killed. It's a dangerous time for a sixteen-year-old girl to join a unit connected to the king's elite Horse Guards, some of his most loyal troops. It's especially dangerous for a girl who has caught the eye of a demon, a pirate and the demon caller.
Gentyl has always dreamed of joining the Horse Guards when she was old enough. However, after the last of the missing king's personal guards is executed like a common criminal, her parents enroll her in an exclusive healing school, where she will be protected. Gentyl thinks her prayers have been answered and she has found favor with the Divine One, when she is accidentally assigned to a military unit instead.
On the verge of civil war and ethnic cleansing, her kingdom is rapidly approaching a disaster unless the king is found. Gentyl is assigned to watch over the king's seemingly senile wizard, but when he includes her in his efforts to solve the disappearance of the king and his guards, she learns Saerowyn is not nearly as helpless or addled as he wants people to think he is.
She survives an assassin's blade, court intrigue, a battle with an undead champion, the pirate's attentions, and the demon's attempts to possess her, but her greatest challenge may be conquering her temper and pride.
I like your opening three sentences, they’re punchy and to the point and they draw you right in. The last paragraph has good potential, too, it’s everything in the middle that needs to be edited down. I’m going to give you a brief rewrite at the end, feel free to keep or discard whatever you like. Obviously, you know your story a heck of a lot better than I do. Another thing to keep in consideration is the fact that your own voice, the voice of your story, needs to be as present in the query as possible.
Another thing I noticed, and this may be a personal thing but I’ll include it anyway – the name, Saerowyn, for a wizard sounds too close to Sauron from Lord of the Rings to me. It was the first thing I thought of – though others might disagree.
Paladin's Pride is a fantasy novel, which is complete at 130,000 words.
I was a staff writer for Speedhorse Racing Report for seventeen years. During that time I wrote weekly stories about Quarter Horse, Paint and Appaloosa racing in Canada, Mexico and the United States. I also wrote several stories about the history of various tracks and articles about equine health. One of my stories was nominated for the AQHA Sprint award.
I like your bio; you keep it right on track tying your publishing history into the specifics of the Horse Guard aspect of your story. The only thing I might do differently is to list the story that was nominated for the award by name, giving the date or year of the nomination.
Thank you for your consideration and time.
Julie Weathers
My Pitch Re-Write:
The king is missing. The infant prince is being poisoned. Guards loyal to the crown are systematically exiled or killed. It's a dangerous time for sixteen-year-old, Gentyl, to join the king's elite Horse Guards, especially since she’s caught the eye of a demon, a pirate, and the demon caller.
When Gentyl’s assignment includes watching over a senile wizard, she’s drawn into his clandestine efforts to solve the disappearance of the king and his guards. She can survive an assassin's blade, court intrigue, and the demon's attempts to possess her, but her greatest challenge may be in conquering her own temper and pride.
Okay, as I said earlier, use or discard any of my rewrite / crit as you see fit. I’ve cut a lot of information that you may think is more important than what I’ve kept – you know your story better than I do, so it’s really all about how you are comfortable pitching it – the main point is to narrow down exactly what you want to say to entice a reader, rather than giving it away plot point by plot point.
A very big thank you to Julie for putting her query up for public critique. I’m going to open the comments here to you guys – add in all of your thoughts, crits, whatever is constructive to our author. As I said in the first post, honest crits are always welcome, but nothing derogatory.
If you all are still interested in my opinion, feel free to hit the link at the top for the first post on Query / Pitch crits and drop your own in my comments for feedback....
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Query Critique - Work with me, people!
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.... at least that’s my excuse...
Hi everyone, sorry for the long hiatus from the bloggy realm. Besides getting sidetracked with things like scrabulous and some other interesting time sucks around the internet, I’ve been catching up with friends and getting in some reading... I’m also planning my son’s upcoming Communion and softball and baseball seasons have officially started, so life is getting very full. In my writing time, I’ve been fine tuning my queries and really digging in and narrowing down my agent lists... As I said in a previous post, I’m not going to discuss much more of the submission process on that ms, unless there’s news, but a commenter on my last post gave me an idea:
She asked if I would crit her query letter, which is very flattering and I’d be glad to, but with the caveat that I’m obviously not an expert.... So instead of just exchanging emails and critting for her, I thought I’d open up this post for a pitch / query crit. I know a lot of my regular readers are doing really well with their writing momentum (if you’re all still around after my lengthy absences of late). Many of you guys are farther ahead in your careers than I am, and I know I got a ton of great feedback from pitch crits I participated in and JJdebenedictis’ blog and others....
So here are the rules: If you’d like to play, you can post your pitch or full query in the comments section. I’ll go through the pitches and give my feedback in my next post and the comments section will be open to participation and feedback from all of the writers reading along. Your comments will be censored by me (and remember I’m brutal)... I’ll allow anything and everything constructive in criticism, because I think it’s important to hear... I will not allow anything demeaning or derogatory – I’ve never had a problem with that on this blog as you guys are all fabulous, but I thought I’d mention it in case we get someone new around these parts who’s a knucklehead.
If you’re not done with your novel, this still might be a good exercise as it will help narrow down your pitch for when you’re ready. I worked on mine months before I was finished with revisions, and it’s been a great load off my mind to have a polished pitch so that I can really concentrate on my agent research, narrowing my opening paragraph and tailoring it specifically for that agent, and following their specific guidelines... If you already have representation, feel free to leave links to your own pitch (so other writers can see what’s worked for you) or to post in comments.
And away we go......
Hi everyone, sorry for the long hiatus from the bloggy realm. Besides getting sidetracked with things like scrabulous and some other interesting time sucks around the internet, I’ve been catching up with friends and getting in some reading... I’m also planning my son’s upcoming Communion and softball and baseball seasons have officially started, so life is getting very full. In my writing time, I’ve been fine tuning my queries and really digging in and narrowing down my agent lists... As I said in a previous post, I’m not going to discuss much more of the submission process on that ms, unless there’s news, but a commenter on my last post gave me an idea:
She asked if I would crit her query letter, which is very flattering and I’d be glad to, but with the caveat that I’m obviously not an expert.... So instead of just exchanging emails and critting for her, I thought I’d open up this post for a pitch / query crit. I know a lot of my regular readers are doing really well with their writing momentum (if you’re all still around after my lengthy absences of late). Many of you guys are farther ahead in your careers than I am, and I know I got a ton of great feedback from pitch crits I participated in and JJdebenedictis’ blog and others....
So here are the rules: If you’d like to play, you can post your pitch or full query in the comments section. I’ll go through the pitches and give my feedback in my next post and the comments section will be open to participation and feedback from all of the writers reading along. Your comments will be censored by me (and remember I’m brutal)... I’ll allow anything and everything constructive in criticism, because I think it’s important to hear... I will not allow anything demeaning or derogatory – I’ve never had a problem with that on this blog as you guys are all fabulous, but I thought I’d mention it in case we get someone new around these parts who’s a knucklehead.
If you’re not done with your novel, this still might be a good exercise as it will help narrow down your pitch for when you’re ready. I worked on mine months before I was finished with revisions, and it’s been a great load off my mind to have a polished pitch so that I can really concentrate on my agent research, narrowing my opening paragraph and tailoring it specifically for that agent, and following their specific guidelines... If you already have representation, feel free to leave links to your own pitch (so other writers can see what’s worked for you) or to post in comments.
And away we go......
Friday, April 04, 2008
My Kids Are Weird... and other parenting dilemmas
First, a hearty congratulations!!!
For those of you who hadn’t heard, JJ Debenedictis has a new agent!!!! Go drop by her blog when you get time and help her celebrate.
And, on with the post:
My kids are strange... Lately I’ve been reading and hearing a lot of different things about parenthood and motherhood and it got me to thinking about my own mode of parenting. It’s funny how it evolves. It’s funny how on top of things I thought I would be when I first became a mom, the things I never thought I’d do, the kind of parent I thought I’d become... you know, as opposed to the parent I actually am... What happened to my once lofty goals? Well, I had kids. They don’t actually conform to what you think they’ll be – they have a need to be their own person, which means switching up the way you raise them because what works for one will not work with all... Ah, if new parents only realized that.
When I was a new mom my television set was almost never on. I watched a few shows here and there, but mostly I watched baseball and my husband watched football and I thought, jeesh, those people who plop their kids down in front of the TV and use it as a babysitter are just terrible.
Yeah... my TV’s on all the flippin time these days. Oh, yes, I shut it off and we play games or do school work. But my kids watch way more TV than I ever thought I’d allow, and my youngest has watched TV since infancy, because I already had three and you’ll take any break you can get at that point!
When I was a new mom, I stood aghast that anyone would allow their kids sugar all the time. No pop for my kids. Candy would be a rarity, and only as a treat after a good, healthy dinner.
Ha! I still don’t let them drink pop, my two youngest don’t even want it... but the ten year old, well, she’s had it at friends’ houses and she likes it... really likes it, asks for it all the time. We’ve settled on her having one (sprite or sierra mist with no caffeine) occasionally with dinner – not every night, I’d say once every two weeks or so, and on those nights she foregoes dessert... but no sugar... please, my cookie jar is a candy treasure trove and they average at least one sweet a day, sometimes far far more... though they still have to finish their regular meals first, I’ll cave on the veggies way more than I should....
Those aren’t the only differences between what I thought and the reality of raising three kids. I thought that if you raise them well, they become good people... Lots of little discipline things, but I found that each kid comes with their own sensibilities, so what works on oldest would be detrimental to my middle guy. Oldest is a hard head. She’s ridiculously bright, but lazy. So being strict with her is what works. If I didn’t set hard and fast rules, she wouldn’t care what grade she came home with or how many rats her bedroom drew... she’s just that way. She’s independent; too, so you have to check up on her, because she won’t tell you she needs help she’ll just try to wing it.
My second is a sweetheart. He gets very nervous about doing things wrong and needs a lot of encouragement and a bit of hand holding in new situations until he hits his comfort level. I’m far less strict with him because he wouldn’t do well with it, and he doesn’t need it. He never has to be asked twice and often will tell me he wants to do his homework, clean his room, go to bed, etc.
Really all of this is to say that they will surprise you and often teach you a hell of a lot more than you teach them. My daughter, while she drives me nuts with her procrastination, is a constant source of amazement for me. She’s ten, just the age where you really start to worry. Sitting at the kitchen table after dinner the other day, she informs me that she wants to be a medical examiner when she grows up... Oooo-kay. I figured she didn’t know what one was. But she did. She wants to examine the bodies and tell the police how they were killed and help them find the bad guys... That’s her take on it, which is pretty good for a ten year old, though a little scary (But I bet Josie would love her). I figured, heck, it’s better than wanting to be a trampy pop star or something.
Anyway, we had this whole conversation about what kind of education she’d need and how she could work toward a career like that – seriously, I was just happy she was so intent. I figured telling her she’d have to get a medical degree would have kyboshed the whole thing... nope, but my figures for future tuition just went up dramatically. In my surreal state of not really fathoming how my ten year old daughter arrived at this career choice we exchanged the following dialogue:
Me: You really want to play with dead bodies? (I’m occasionally flippant)
Her: I’m not taking them out to tango or anything.
Me: (doubled over laughing, cause I thought that was pretty good for a 10 year old)
Her: Though, I wouldn’t have a problem getting to lead.
Okay, seriously, love that she has such interesting career goals, but I’m really thinking comedian... she just doesn’t know it yet.
For those of you who hadn’t heard, JJ Debenedictis has a new agent!!!! Go drop by her blog when you get time and help her celebrate.
And, on with the post:
My kids are strange... Lately I’ve been reading and hearing a lot of different things about parenthood and motherhood and it got me to thinking about my own mode of parenting. It’s funny how it evolves. It’s funny how on top of things I thought I would be when I first became a mom, the things I never thought I’d do, the kind of parent I thought I’d become... you know, as opposed to the parent I actually am... What happened to my once lofty goals? Well, I had kids. They don’t actually conform to what you think they’ll be – they have a need to be their own person, which means switching up the way you raise them because what works for one will not work with all... Ah, if new parents only realized that.
When I was a new mom my television set was almost never on. I watched a few shows here and there, but mostly I watched baseball and my husband watched football and I thought, jeesh, those people who plop their kids down in front of the TV and use it as a babysitter are just terrible.
Yeah... my TV’s on all the flippin time these days. Oh, yes, I shut it off and we play games or do school work. But my kids watch way more TV than I ever thought I’d allow, and my youngest has watched TV since infancy, because I already had three and you’ll take any break you can get at that point!
When I was a new mom, I stood aghast that anyone would allow their kids sugar all the time. No pop for my kids. Candy would be a rarity, and only as a treat after a good, healthy dinner.
Ha! I still don’t let them drink pop, my two youngest don’t even want it... but the ten year old, well, she’s had it at friends’ houses and she likes it... really likes it, asks for it all the time. We’ve settled on her having one (sprite or sierra mist with no caffeine) occasionally with dinner – not every night, I’d say once every two weeks or so, and on those nights she foregoes dessert... but no sugar... please, my cookie jar is a candy treasure trove and they average at least one sweet a day, sometimes far far more... though they still have to finish their regular meals first, I’ll cave on the veggies way more than I should....
Those aren’t the only differences between what I thought and the reality of raising three kids. I thought that if you raise them well, they become good people... Lots of little discipline things, but I found that each kid comes with their own sensibilities, so what works on oldest would be detrimental to my middle guy. Oldest is a hard head. She’s ridiculously bright, but lazy. So being strict with her is what works. If I didn’t set hard and fast rules, she wouldn’t care what grade she came home with or how many rats her bedroom drew... she’s just that way. She’s independent; too, so you have to check up on her, because she won’t tell you she needs help she’ll just try to wing it.
My second is a sweetheart. He gets very nervous about doing things wrong and needs a lot of encouragement and a bit of hand holding in new situations until he hits his comfort level. I’m far less strict with him because he wouldn’t do well with it, and he doesn’t need it. He never has to be asked twice and often will tell me he wants to do his homework, clean his room, go to bed, etc.
Really all of this is to say that they will surprise you and often teach you a hell of a lot more than you teach them. My daughter, while she drives me nuts with her procrastination, is a constant source of amazement for me. She’s ten, just the age where you really start to worry. Sitting at the kitchen table after dinner the other day, she informs me that she wants to be a medical examiner when she grows up... Oooo-kay. I figured she didn’t know what one was. But she did. She wants to examine the bodies and tell the police how they were killed and help them find the bad guys... That’s her take on it, which is pretty good for a ten year old, though a little scary (But I bet Josie would love her). I figured, heck, it’s better than wanting to be a trampy pop star or something.
Anyway, we had this whole conversation about what kind of education she’d need and how she could work toward a career like that – seriously, I was just happy she was so intent. I figured telling her she’d have to get a medical degree would have kyboshed the whole thing... nope, but my figures for future tuition just went up dramatically. In my surreal state of not really fathoming how my ten year old daughter arrived at this career choice we exchanged the following dialogue:
Me: You really want to play with dead bodies? (I’m occasionally flippant)
Her: I’m not taking them out to tango or anything.
Me: (doubled over laughing, cause I thought that was pretty good for a 10 year old)
Her: Though, I wouldn’t have a problem getting to lead.
Okay, seriously, love that she has such interesting career goals, but I’m really thinking comedian... she just doesn’t know it yet.
Monday, March 31, 2008
My Town Monday – Wrigley Field
(Photo above, Wrigley Field - from Chicago Tribune)
I haven’t participated in Travis’ My Town Series for a few weeks, mostly because the day keeps slipping past me. But I thought Opening Day might be a good one to pick back up on my posting for this – a look at Wrigley Field... It is, after all, one of my favorite Chicago features.
If you haven’t seen any of the news stories on the naming rights at Wrigley Field, let me fill you in. The current owner, Sam Zell, is selling the naming rights separately from the park and the team.
On the Cubs’ Website, Zell is quoted as saying:
“As far as Wrigley is concerned, Wrigley is an obvious worldwide icon and Wrigley Field is worldwide known, but in the world of economics, when I bought the Tribune, they didn’t give me a discount because I wasn’t going to use the naming rights that the field represents,” he said. “Perhaps the Wrigley Co. will decide that after getting it for free for so long, they decide to pay for it.”
Well, what kind of logic is that?!!!! For my two cents, and because it is my blog I can add my two cents, I will not purchase or support any product that removes the name ‘Wrigley’ from that ballpark. There are an awful lot of Cubs fans out there and many of them feel the same way... so if some other company buys the rights, they might want to think about keeping the name Wrigley – I know a lot of fans that will go out of their way to give you business if you help preserve the history of the park. And on with the post:
A Brief History:
Wrigley was built in 1914 and is one of the oldest ballparks in baseball. I think Fenway (which I’d love to see, I hear it’s fantastic... plus they serve chowder!!!) is two years older. Wrigley was originally named Weeghman Park after the first owner, Charles Weeghman. He built the stadium to house Chicago’s Federal League team, the Chicago Federals which were later known as the Whales.
The Federal League was short lived, folding in 1915, at which point Weeghman, along with a number of other investors (including William Wrigley, Jr.) bought the National League ball club from Charles Taft – the Chicago Cubs played their first game in Weeghman Park in 1916. Wrigley bought out the other investors’ shares in the park and team over the course of the next few years, becoming the sole owner by 1919. The park was named Cubs Park in 1920 and then in 1926 it was renamed Wrigley Field in honor of William Wrigley, Jr. (the man, not his chewing gum company which was also given the family name).
(Pictured above, Wrigley Field 1928, photo from Chicago Tribune)
For those of you keeping score, the Cubs, a nickname originally given the team by a local newspaper and one that obviously stuck, have never won a World Series since taking residence in our beloved Wrigley Field. Our last World Series victory occurred in 1908 when the club resided in the West Side Fields. Our last appearance was in 1945.
Personal Perspective:
I have to edit this here, to give you all a link the the story on the Cubs site today. I forgot to mention that today they are unveiling a very special statue - for Ernie Banks, #14, everyone's favorite who is forever known as Mr. Cub. Even if you're not a baseball fan, go check out the article. You have to love this guy, who was one of the greatest players ever, yet never made the post season, and never let it diminish his love of the team, the city, or the sport...
I’ll spare all of you non baseball fans the wealth of sports history, names such as Ernie Banks(see edit above, I obviously lied a bit) and incidents such as Babe Ruth’s called shot. We’ll focus instead on the stadium and the fans. The thing about Wrigley Field that evokes such passion from those of us who love it is this: the stadium itself reeks of the City. It’s like a little snapshot with all of the myriad facets that make up Chicago.
Those of you who have never been here would love it – those who have know exactly what I mean. Chicago is as much small town as big city. We house every walk of life, pace, view, and vantage point. You can easily find the highest of society among the little green rigid seats, along side the hotdog vendors and bus drivers watching the game.
When you’re inside Wrigley Field, every person is a neighbor and friend. It doesn’t matter that you’ve never met them before in your life; they’ll strike up a conversation just because you’re in the vicinity. The bleachers... ah, I love the bleachers. They are the most uncomfortable seats in the house – but you feel right in the action of the whole damn game. The bleachers are just what they sound like, long rows of benches – there are no ticket numbers here. Get there early and you might find a good seat – get there late and God help you, because I’m not giving mine up... Luckily they start serving beer long before the game begins. I’ve sat all the way down near the basket and all the way up under the big green scoreboard – that seat’s not actually too bad, the beer stand is only a few steps behind : - )
I would never take my kids to the bleachers – it’s a party and a fun one, but I don’t think it’s for kids. I’ve seen them there, but I wouldn’t do it myself, you never know who’s going to get rowdy. But the main seats in the stadium are a perfect place to introduce your kids to the love of baseball. Whether I’m there with the kids our out with a girlfriend, I’ve never failed to make friends with the people sitting near me – guy or girl, rich or poor, it just doesn’t matter in Wrigley. The only rivalries that are bitter are the Cards and the White Sox – our fans can’t be around each other without tweaking noses or worse. I’ve been in the stands with every other fan under the sun and had a good time watching the game and a better time at the Cubby Bear after. Brewers fans are especially fun; we tend to have an attitude that if it can’t be us, we don’t mind rooting for you..... probably because we all hate St. Louis.
I’ve learned a lot and had a great time reading all of the My Town Monday posts. I have places marked to check out if I ever get to those parts of the country... I have to go explore Texas and Washington and definitely New York... would love to see New Orleans and a lot of other places. If I can post on one next week, I’ll try to give you all something more historical, because Chicago does have a fantastic history and some wonderful sites. But, if you’re a baseball fan and you’re heading this way, I can’t recommend Wrigley highly enough – I guarantee you’ll have one of the best times at a ball game in your life.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
The Age of Internet and the Loss of Common Sense.... or, Hey, Idiot, Stop Screwing It Up For the Rest of Us!!!!
Well, how’s that for a long and wayward title to a blog post? Do you have the feeling you’re in for a rant? Good, because you are!!! Buckle up and grab some popcorn, it’s going to be a doozy.
Those of you who follow my meandering posts on a regular basis might recall how much I adore anonymous sniping and otherwise nasty forms of internet discussion. While blogging and the Internet in general have transformed the speed and ease with which we can communicate, it’s also had some nasty side effects. Common sense and good old fashioned manners seems to go out the window when there’s a computer screen between the speaker and the listener – probably because the speaker is an ass, but I’ll digress on that point for the moment.
I think a large portion of the problem is lack of accountability. The sniping in comments when cloaked by a username or plain old ‘anonymous’, those I can overlook because as far as I’m concerned, if you don’t have the nerve to sign your name to a sentiment, I don’t have time to listen to it.... huge disclaimer – that’s not all anon comments, just the ones that are derogatory or otherwise intend to twist the topic.. I get the need to use anon for certain things, such as asking questions that you’re afraid not knowing makes you seem less than professional (I’ve done this... I’ve never signed anonymous to insult someone, but then, I’ve never found the need to insult someone when they’re not standing in front of me either... I’m funny that way – if I’m going to say it, I’ll say it to you).
This particular thing has been bugging me for a while, in many facets. I mention blogging because obviously we can all relate – as I am discussing it on my blog and all... I’ve also had other cyber friends email to complain about crits they received on various posts and contests... which I also disliked – if you have a serious problem with the crit, open it up on the board you’re on, don’t email me about it because then I feel the need to reply with long windy diatribes about not asking for crits when you want praise... (Ornery aren’t I? I am. I know that) Not everyone likes critique, and I do understand that. A lot of us blogging, do so because the back pats for our writing really do give us a boost... yes, I like them too, obviously, I’m still here. I also like the connection with other writers... la, la, but, if I put my stuff up for critique, I want to hear the flaws. That’s the point – to get it ready for publication, not to get unabashed praise.... That is my take, but if it’s not yours then either a) don’t put it up for inspection or b) only put it up for critique with people whose opinion you trust implicitly and will be nice enough for your own sensibilities....
Why am I ranting about this? Because whining about the person who took time to read your stuff and then write, sometimes paragraphs in response, makes me nuts!!! It also makes me not feel like critiquing because I’m afraid I’ll alienate someone. Just, dear writers, keep this in mind, and I think I speak for most writers who are willing to critique for you (but if I’m wrong, correct me in comments) – when I take the time to read for you and offer my honest opinion, I am not pointing out things that I find wrong to be mean, rotten, nasty, or any other variable of evil. I’m pointing out things that read wrong to me. I’m pointing them out from the position of having studied fiction writing for all of my adult life, both as a writer and reader. I’m pointing them out from the position of having learned a good deal of craft both on my own and through very reputable class work... If my qualifications are not good enough for you, don’t ask me to read. If you do ask me to read, do not take anything less than unabashed applause as an insult and ask me “who the f#@% are you to criticize me? You’re not even published... or any other variable of implying that I’m beneath you”..... Critique – criticize... anyone else catch the connection there?
Arguing my critique, especially in an inflammatory way, is a waste of time. Why? Because you ask someone to critique to get a fresh set of eyes primarily.... Your critique partner is not the God of your ms, their opinion and insight should not be viewed as a direct order as to how you NEED to change your manuscript. Take it in the spirit it’s intended: as a gift of time and talent which you should thank them for. Mull their insights and use or discard as you see fit. If you receive the same type of feedback from more than one reader, I’d say it’s probably a good change to make, but it’s still your novel and a critique does not take your authorship away...
Ah.... basically, arguing a critique point by point is like calling the person who just did you a huge favor a big moron. It’s obnoxious. And furthermore, it doesn’t make you exactly a rocket scientist to have trusted someone you don’t respect with your work.
Wow, that portion of today’s rant took up a lot of space didn’t it? It’s been simmering for a bit. I’ve had a few beta readers critiquing for me, and all are lovely. They’ve offered some wonderful and useful feedback and, I hope, they’ve pointed out everything they truly found wrong because, just in case anyone wondered, I can take it. I want all of the ugly uglies... because it’ll make it stronger in the end. There are also a number of writers that I would critique for any time they needed, but in the future I’ll be more careful with that – I think from now on I’ll need to know someone fairly well before I let something like blatant honesty ruin the relationship. Or maybe I’ll just give out a disclaimer: I’m brutal so if you want me to read for you, prepare to hear what I actually think!!!! It wouldn’t work anyway, though; the people who need the disclaimer are too convinced their work is perfect.
But on this note, while it might not really bother anyone that I’ll be more selective in critiquing for people, it bothers a lot of us that agents and editors rarely offer feedback. Most of them have said in interviews or on their blogs that they do so sparingly because they get such nasty responses when they are, in reality, trying to help. And for free!!! They don’t get paid to respond to writers they aren’t publishing. Why do so many aspiring novelists feel that the fact they finished writing a book entitles them to something? It doesn’t. You wrote a book because you wanted to. You’ll get it published if it’s good enough, you try hard enough, the fates align just right... and a plethora of other things. But if it’s never published, don’t blame anyone else for being tasteless – it’s annoying.
Anyway, most of us treat feedback from agents and editors like nuggets of gold. Because they’re rare. And they’re especially rare because of all the nitwits who queried before us and then sent hate mail because they were given honest feedback. What does this have to do with the Internet Mentality? They’re more rampant now that you can just click the reply button and spew your anger over email.
In researching agents, I found more than one that will not reply to e-queries unless they want more material. It’s terrible, because it leaves you hanging out there, wondering if they even got your query. Do you know why they don’t reply? Because of the nitwits that load their inbox with nasty diatribes and insults at being rejected. It has nothing to do with them not being polite and everything to do with the dwindling lack of common courtesy exhibited by so many writers and aspiring writers... and they’re ruining it for the rest of us!
I’m guessing that the people who do this must be pretty green, or they just have such a bad temper and lack of self control that they don’t think. I can’t imagine many of them finding an agent, even if they’re brilliant – if you’ve ever done this, you should realize that agents do talk to each other, and I’m sure they mention stuff like that.
Well, this is lengthy enough of a rant for today. But I’ve just finished reading a great editor blogger who’s been email flamed over an honest and non-offensive post, and I’ve seen countless agent pages stating they won’t respond to email queries... if you’re anon, or snipey, just remember, there’s someone on the other end of that keyboard and they might stop playing. You might be ruining countless writers’ chances of learning more about that agent so they can submit, or learning more about the business... you might be taking away countless critiques simply because you are too immature to have honest communications with those around you when there’s a little screen involved that keeps you from accountability.... ironic that you should be an aspiring writer with those particular faults, but there it is... if your biggest hope in your chosen profession is to ‘make a difference’ – well, that you’ve done, but I doubt it’s the difference you were aiming for...
Okay guys – long rambly rant wrap up.... your turn, what’s ticking you off today?
Those of you who follow my meandering posts on a regular basis might recall how much I adore anonymous sniping and otherwise nasty forms of internet discussion. While blogging and the Internet in general have transformed the speed and ease with which we can communicate, it’s also had some nasty side effects. Common sense and good old fashioned manners seems to go out the window when there’s a computer screen between the speaker and the listener – probably because the speaker is an ass, but I’ll digress on that point for the moment.
I think a large portion of the problem is lack of accountability. The sniping in comments when cloaked by a username or plain old ‘anonymous’, those I can overlook because as far as I’m concerned, if you don’t have the nerve to sign your name to a sentiment, I don’t have time to listen to it.... huge disclaimer – that’s not all anon comments, just the ones that are derogatory or otherwise intend to twist the topic.. I get the need to use anon for certain things, such as asking questions that you’re afraid not knowing makes you seem less than professional (I’ve done this... I’ve never signed anonymous to insult someone, but then, I’ve never found the need to insult someone when they’re not standing in front of me either... I’m funny that way – if I’m going to say it, I’ll say it to you).
This particular thing has been bugging me for a while, in many facets. I mention blogging because obviously we can all relate – as I am discussing it on my blog and all... I’ve also had other cyber friends email to complain about crits they received on various posts and contests... which I also disliked – if you have a serious problem with the crit, open it up on the board you’re on, don’t email me about it because then I feel the need to reply with long windy diatribes about not asking for crits when you want praise... (Ornery aren’t I? I am. I know that) Not everyone likes critique, and I do understand that. A lot of us blogging, do so because the back pats for our writing really do give us a boost... yes, I like them too, obviously, I’m still here. I also like the connection with other writers... la, la, but, if I put my stuff up for critique, I want to hear the flaws. That’s the point – to get it ready for publication, not to get unabashed praise.... That is my take, but if it’s not yours then either a) don’t put it up for inspection or b) only put it up for critique with people whose opinion you trust implicitly and will be nice enough for your own sensibilities....
Why am I ranting about this? Because whining about the person who took time to read your stuff and then write, sometimes paragraphs in response, makes me nuts!!! It also makes me not feel like critiquing because I’m afraid I’ll alienate someone. Just, dear writers, keep this in mind, and I think I speak for most writers who are willing to critique for you (but if I’m wrong, correct me in comments) – when I take the time to read for you and offer my honest opinion, I am not pointing out things that I find wrong to be mean, rotten, nasty, or any other variable of evil. I’m pointing out things that read wrong to me. I’m pointing them out from the position of having studied fiction writing for all of my adult life, both as a writer and reader. I’m pointing them out from the position of having learned a good deal of craft both on my own and through very reputable class work... If my qualifications are not good enough for you, don’t ask me to read. If you do ask me to read, do not take anything less than unabashed applause as an insult and ask me “who the f#@% are you to criticize me? You’re not even published... or any other variable of implying that I’m beneath you”..... Critique – criticize... anyone else catch the connection there?
Arguing my critique, especially in an inflammatory way, is a waste of time. Why? Because you ask someone to critique to get a fresh set of eyes primarily.... Your critique partner is not the God of your ms, their opinion and insight should not be viewed as a direct order as to how you NEED to change your manuscript. Take it in the spirit it’s intended: as a gift of time and talent which you should thank them for. Mull their insights and use or discard as you see fit. If you receive the same type of feedback from more than one reader, I’d say it’s probably a good change to make, but it’s still your novel and a critique does not take your authorship away...
Ah.... basically, arguing a critique point by point is like calling the person who just did you a huge favor a big moron. It’s obnoxious. And furthermore, it doesn’t make you exactly a rocket scientist to have trusted someone you don’t respect with your work.
Wow, that portion of today’s rant took up a lot of space didn’t it? It’s been simmering for a bit. I’ve had a few beta readers critiquing for me, and all are lovely. They’ve offered some wonderful and useful feedback and, I hope, they’ve pointed out everything they truly found wrong because, just in case anyone wondered, I can take it. I want all of the ugly uglies... because it’ll make it stronger in the end. There are also a number of writers that I would critique for any time they needed, but in the future I’ll be more careful with that – I think from now on I’ll need to know someone fairly well before I let something like blatant honesty ruin the relationship. Or maybe I’ll just give out a disclaimer: I’m brutal so if you want me to read for you, prepare to hear what I actually think!!!! It wouldn’t work anyway, though; the people who need the disclaimer are too convinced their work is perfect.
But on this note, while it might not really bother anyone that I’ll be more selective in critiquing for people, it bothers a lot of us that agents and editors rarely offer feedback. Most of them have said in interviews or on their blogs that they do so sparingly because they get such nasty responses when they are, in reality, trying to help. And for free!!! They don’t get paid to respond to writers they aren’t publishing. Why do so many aspiring novelists feel that the fact they finished writing a book entitles them to something? It doesn’t. You wrote a book because you wanted to. You’ll get it published if it’s good enough, you try hard enough, the fates align just right... and a plethora of other things. But if it’s never published, don’t blame anyone else for being tasteless – it’s annoying.
Anyway, most of us treat feedback from agents and editors like nuggets of gold. Because they’re rare. And they’re especially rare because of all the nitwits who queried before us and then sent hate mail because they were given honest feedback. What does this have to do with the Internet Mentality? They’re more rampant now that you can just click the reply button and spew your anger over email.
In researching agents, I found more than one that will not reply to e-queries unless they want more material. It’s terrible, because it leaves you hanging out there, wondering if they even got your query. Do you know why they don’t reply? Because of the nitwits that load their inbox with nasty diatribes and insults at being rejected. It has nothing to do with them not being polite and everything to do with the dwindling lack of common courtesy exhibited by so many writers and aspiring writers... and they’re ruining it for the rest of us!
I’m guessing that the people who do this must be pretty green, or they just have such a bad temper and lack of self control that they don’t think. I can’t imagine many of them finding an agent, even if they’re brilliant – if you’ve ever done this, you should realize that agents do talk to each other, and I’m sure they mention stuff like that.
Well, this is lengthy enough of a rant for today. But I’ve just finished reading a great editor blogger who’s been email flamed over an honest and non-offensive post, and I’ve seen countless agent pages stating they won’t respond to email queries... if you’re anon, or snipey, just remember, there’s someone on the other end of that keyboard and they might stop playing. You might be ruining countless writers’ chances of learning more about that agent so they can submit, or learning more about the business... you might be taking away countless critiques simply because you are too immature to have honest communications with those around you when there’s a little screen involved that keeps you from accountability.... ironic that you should be an aspiring writer with those particular faults, but there it is... if your biggest hope in your chosen profession is to ‘make a difference’ – well, that you’ve done, but I doubt it’s the difference you were aiming for...
Okay guys – long rambly rant wrap up.... your turn, what’s ticking you off today?
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Random Musings on Writing and Technology
(I just had to include the egg die contest up there... too funny!)
So, I’ve been zooming around, trying to catch up with all of my bloggy buddies and see what’s been going on around the internet... okay, that and I got caught up at the free rice site Precie linked on her blog... la, la, la... yes, more ways to waste time, while feeding the poor, though, and expanding my vocabulary, all and all it’s not so bad....... well, that’s my excuse, anyway.
And I finally went over and registered for facebook. Ello, Precie, and Moonrat have talked so much about scrabulous that I just had to check it out... even though I know it’s going to be a time suck... I should have probably paid attention to the warnings. What warnings, you ask? When I registered, it gave me a little code to submit before accepting my application. Do you want to know my code words?
End Violent
Seriously, I’m not making that up, I almost fell over I was laughing so hard. I wonder if Ello can teach me how to cheat at scrabulous. I still, by the way, haven’t figured out how to link my facebook site, or even what the url is, I have no clue what I’m doing over there – so it’ll probably take me a little while to get up and running.
The other thing I’ve been doing is catching up on some of the agent blogs. There are some new ones out there and some that I hadn’t really visited on a regular basis that are pretty good. I noticed that Nathan did a post on not calling a perspective agent to pitch... or for any reason. And that got me to thinking how much things have changed in the last ten years or so.
Okay, you were never supposed to call to pitch. That’s just stupid. I wouldn’t even try that one because honestly, I come off better on paper. And that’s the point, you want them to buy your writing – if you want them to see how charismatic you are, maybe you should try acting, or voice over, or running for Miss America, but if you want them to read your novel, you should probably be trying to get your pages in front of them instead of wowing them with your phone personality...
Where was I? Oh, yeah. About fifteen years ago and forever prior to that, the general admonishment was to call the agency or publishing house to verify that the person you wanted to query was still there and still the best person for your piece. That was all you were to call for – not to pitch talk or cajole, just to verify and hang the frig up... politely, of course. Publishing has always had a notoriously high turn over rate, or so we were taught in fiction writing courses and it was better to get your query in the correct hands with the correct name than have it whiling away on the desk of the person to usurp your intended victim... umn, I mean, recipient.
Today, that admonishment is a little dated. These agencies have websites and there are whole sites and message board communities devoted to keeping these resources updated. If you want to know if agent xyz is still with a particular agency, odds are you can find out by visiting the agency website or searching their name on a message board... There are reams of information at your fingertips on their preferences and submission requirements. There’s really no excuse not to have at least the basic information on any agent or editor you’re submitting to because research today is on point and updated constantly. Fifteen years ago, most writers were relying on reference books with information that was many months old by the time it hit the shelves in the first place.
The internet has accomplished a few really great things, especially for writers. It’s brought us agent blogs and whole writing communities where the aspiring author can learn the ropes and have a writing circle that they may not have found in the real world. Agents who blog are awesome because they freely give a plethora of information on the other side of the desk – information that most writers weren’t completely privy to before, at least not before having a few sales under their belt.
So what else has changed in the last few decades for writers? Is it better or worse in your estimation? Has it opened the doors? Crowded the field? What’s your take on the advancements of technology and how they influence the fiction writer? You know, besides permitting them to procrastinate with virtual word games.
Monday, March 17, 2008
I'M BAAAACK!!!!!!!!
But first, an announcement – In the comments section of my last post, some lovely writer gave me a head’s up on a new charity drive led by some of our favorite authors to benefit Autism Speaks Please take a little time to look through their website and see all they do.
The event is an eBay auction, where some very impressive authors have volunteered to name a character in their upcoming novels after the winning bidder. Bidding starts on March 23, 2008 and ends on April 2nd. Authors include such notable names as Lee Child, Jodi Picoult, and our very own Patricia Wood.
Visit their eBay site to learn more and see if some of your favorite authors are participating.
I’m back to the blog-o-sphere... and you know what that means – my novel is finished!!!! I just completed it and reformatted to one doc over the weekend, and sent it out to a few very trusted beta readers for a second opinion. I am officially done – huzzah!!!
I’ve backed up all of my files on a disk and removed them from my computer so that I can’t just sift through it willy nilly any old time. I know me, I can’t leave it alone and I will keep reading and second guessing myself if it’s accessible, so I am officially on a break from it to gain fresh eyes before I re-read and start submissions.
In the interim, I’m taking this week and probably next week completely off of fiction writing. I’m getting ready for Easter and plan to spend next week’s school break enjoying my kids... I’ll also be enjoying some extended reading time (I read while I’m working anyway, but I don’t get long leisurely hours to do so in the throws of revision, so I’m looking forward to it). And of course, I’ll be back in the blog-o-sphere, catching up on all of the posts I’ve missed and bothering you all
I plan on breaking from the work long enough to tweak some shorts and get them out in submission, and to start researching my next one – it’s historical fiction, so I plan on trying to really work within the constructs of an outline this time, and I think I’ll need a few months of heavy research time, just to get well acquainted with the time frame.
As for Raskin’s Wings, I already have my basic query letter and synopses in fairly good shape – I also have personalized it for my top five agents, and have put all of that aside pending my re-read. If it’s clean enough and not in need of any major editing at the re-read, I’ll start submissions immediately... If I find that I need major revisions, I’ll give it another cooling period once I’m done... many revisions make for tighter writing.... lest anyone think I just finished a book and am going to submit, Raskin’s has already been revised in total about nine or ten times... not to mention the chapters that took complete overhauls upwards of twenty times.
After this, I won’t be mentioning that work much, if at all, on this blog. I kind of feel like this blog can discuss the writing process, but I don’t want to delve too deeply into my own personal submissions. I might mention something larger, like I got a lot of the same feedback and am back in revisions... but otherwise, I’ll likely only mention it if something thrilling happens, like signing with an agent or getting a publishing deal.
Now, for the question of the hour – I’d love an opinion on this. I have my top agents picked out and have researched them as thoroughly as I can. Some of them, from what I’ve read on author boards, are prone to request exclusives when they request the ms. While I’ve read that they’re all fine with the author declining because the work is out elsewhere, I’m a little nervous about the scenario where, say, uber agent #1 requests an exclusive and I jump at the chance only to get a request from uber agent #2, who I have to decline... and if #1 passes, #2 will know it’s a rejection and won’t that taint their vision of the project?
So, while all of my research says it’s fine to send out multiple queries at a time, and the wait for response would be endless going one agent at a time, I’m still a little nervous about the process... anyone got any thoughts on this?
The event is an eBay auction, where some very impressive authors have volunteered to name a character in their upcoming novels after the winning bidder. Bidding starts on March 23, 2008 and ends on April 2nd. Authors include such notable names as Lee Child, Jodi Picoult, and our very own Patricia Wood.
Visit their eBay site to learn more and see if some of your favorite authors are participating.
On to the Blog Post
I’m back to the blog-o-sphere... and you know what that means – my novel is finished!!!! I just completed it and reformatted to one doc over the weekend, and sent it out to a few very trusted beta readers for a second opinion. I am officially done – huzzah!!!
I’ve backed up all of my files on a disk and removed them from my computer so that I can’t just sift through it willy nilly any old time. I know me, I can’t leave it alone and I will keep reading and second guessing myself if it’s accessible, so I am officially on a break from it to gain fresh eyes before I re-read and start submissions.
In the interim, I’m taking this week and probably next week completely off of fiction writing. I’m getting ready for Easter and plan to spend next week’s school break enjoying my kids... I’ll also be enjoying some extended reading time (I read while I’m working anyway, but I don’t get long leisurely hours to do so in the throws of revision, so I’m looking forward to it). And of course, I’ll be back in the blog-o-sphere, catching up on all of the posts I’ve missed and bothering you all
I plan on breaking from the work long enough to tweak some shorts and get them out in submission, and to start researching my next one – it’s historical fiction, so I plan on trying to really work within the constructs of an outline this time, and I think I’ll need a few months of heavy research time, just to get well acquainted with the time frame.
As for Raskin’s Wings, I already have my basic query letter and synopses in fairly good shape – I also have personalized it for my top five agents, and have put all of that aside pending my re-read. If it’s clean enough and not in need of any major editing at the re-read, I’ll start submissions immediately... If I find that I need major revisions, I’ll give it another cooling period once I’m done... many revisions make for tighter writing.... lest anyone think I just finished a book and am going to submit, Raskin’s has already been revised in total about nine or ten times... not to mention the chapters that took complete overhauls upwards of twenty times.
After this, I won’t be mentioning that work much, if at all, on this blog. I kind of feel like this blog can discuss the writing process, but I don’t want to delve too deeply into my own personal submissions. I might mention something larger, like I got a lot of the same feedback and am back in revisions... but otherwise, I’ll likely only mention it if something thrilling happens, like signing with an agent or getting a publishing deal.
Now, for the question of the hour – I’d love an opinion on this. I have my top agents picked out and have researched them as thoroughly as I can. Some of them, from what I’ve read on author boards, are prone to request exclusives when they request the ms. While I’ve read that they’re all fine with the author declining because the work is out elsewhere, I’m a little nervous about the scenario where, say, uber agent #1 requests an exclusive and I jump at the chance only to get a request from uber agent #2, who I have to decline... and if #1 passes, #2 will know it’s a rejection and won’t that taint their vision of the project?
So, while all of my research says it’s fine to send out multiple queries at a time, and the wait for response would be endless going one agent at a time, I’m still a little nervous about the process... anyone got any thoughts on this?
Friday, March 07, 2008
Happy Birthday, Shammy!!!!
So, I was thinking that I should probably put up a post, lest all of my favorite blog pals find somewhere else to hang out... like a blog with actual new content on occasion... I am getting lots of work in, revised revisions - the first agent who gets this thing will see their reflection in the pages it’s so friggin’ sparkly polished... okay, I hope so anyway... so there’s no progress report on that front, but I should be posting one shouting from the rooftops that I’m done in the very near future. Since there’s not much to post about revisions, and I have no writerly type posting at the moment, I thought I’d take a page out of Ello’s book and tell you a kid story, because it amused me, so I figured, what the hell...
My youngest begged me for his very own pet last year. He was four, going on five at the time and, as we already have a lovely yellow lab, named Dulcie, I said “No” and promptly ignored his four year old and very cute wheedling. This went back and forth for a number of weeks, as I recall, each time I reminded him that he already had a dog, but he really wanted something that was his... I get it, but he was four and I knew ‘his’ meant I’d have some rodent infested cage to clean up, or worse... the answer stayed a firm no.
One day soon after, he picked up a rock at the park. It was a smooth rock; about the size of my palm, gray in color, nothing particular about the way it looked... it was a rock. He carried it home with him, which is par for the course with four year old boys. But then he kept carrying it around for days afterward. He put it on his bedside table at night, carried it down to breakfast, brought it in his backpack to school, and hid it in his pocket when I told him to leave the dirty rock at home.
We were sitting at the kitchen table for breakfast one morning, I was in a rush to get my two oldest to finish and get out the door for school and the little guy says,
“Wait, I have to get Shammy!!!!”
We were in the car before I thought to ask, “What’s a Shammy?”
Little guy held up the rock and said, “Shammy!”
“You named it Shammy?”
“His real name is Sham Rock, but I call him Shammy for short... Shammy,” said little guy, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
The only thing I could figure was that it was close to St. Patrick’s Day and he got the idea from all of the decorations around... still, I thought it was rather cute, but I also knew he was really still pushing for the pet.
Fast forward to now. He still has Shammy. He has lost toys far bigger and way more expensive in the void where all new toys go, wherever the heck that is. He has abandoned games, gotten bored with TV shows, and grown a year older in every way, but he still has Shammy. Shammy now has a face, with a silly nose and googley eyes, he has green hair, because little guy thinks that would be fitting for someone named Sham Rock. And little guy never did get his pet... after a while he stopped asking.
He doesn’t carry Shammy around everywhere anymore, sometimes he thinks of it and grabs Shammy to watch a movie or sit with him at the table, but mostly Shammy sits guard on little guy’s dresser and keeps his Clifford company.
Today little guy informed me that Shammy’s birthday is coming... I was kind of surprised, mostly because he’s right, it’s about a year since he found that rock – I still don’t know if he’s just that good with birthdays or the whole St. Patrick’s Day hoopla reminded him.
“Wow, we’ll have to wish him a happy birthday, then, which day is it?” I asked in my sweetest, mom’s patronizing kind of voice... you know the one you hated when you were a kid... yeah, I know, I want to kick myself sometimes, too...
“It’s tomorrow,” Little guy said, matter of factly, “We’ll have to bake him a cake. Shammy likes chocolate with chocolate frosting...” he smiled, that very large, I’m too cute not to do my bidding smile and added, “with sprinkles... Shammy loves sprinkles.”
Okay, it’s official, my five year old is smarter than I am. Guess who’s baking a cake this weekend....
My youngest begged me for his very own pet last year. He was four, going on five at the time and, as we already have a lovely yellow lab, named Dulcie, I said “No” and promptly ignored his four year old and very cute wheedling. This went back and forth for a number of weeks, as I recall, each time I reminded him that he already had a dog, but he really wanted something that was his... I get it, but he was four and I knew ‘his’ meant I’d have some rodent infested cage to clean up, or worse... the answer stayed a firm no.
One day soon after, he picked up a rock at the park. It was a smooth rock; about the size of my palm, gray in color, nothing particular about the way it looked... it was a rock. He carried it home with him, which is par for the course with four year old boys. But then he kept carrying it around for days afterward. He put it on his bedside table at night, carried it down to breakfast, brought it in his backpack to school, and hid it in his pocket when I told him to leave the dirty rock at home.
We were sitting at the kitchen table for breakfast one morning, I was in a rush to get my two oldest to finish and get out the door for school and the little guy says,
“Wait, I have to get Shammy!!!!”
We were in the car before I thought to ask, “What’s a Shammy?”
Little guy held up the rock and said, “Shammy!”
“You named it Shammy?”
“His real name is Sham Rock, but I call him Shammy for short... Shammy,” said little guy, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
The only thing I could figure was that it was close to St. Patrick’s Day and he got the idea from all of the decorations around... still, I thought it was rather cute, but I also knew he was really still pushing for the pet.
Fast forward to now. He still has Shammy. He has lost toys far bigger and way more expensive in the void where all new toys go, wherever the heck that is. He has abandoned games, gotten bored with TV shows, and grown a year older in every way, but he still has Shammy. Shammy now has a face, with a silly nose and googley eyes, he has green hair, because little guy thinks that would be fitting for someone named Sham Rock. And little guy never did get his pet... after a while he stopped asking.
He doesn’t carry Shammy around everywhere anymore, sometimes he thinks of it and grabs Shammy to watch a movie or sit with him at the table, but mostly Shammy sits guard on little guy’s dresser and keeps his Clifford company.
Today little guy informed me that Shammy’s birthday is coming... I was kind of surprised, mostly because he’s right, it’s about a year since he found that rock – I still don’t know if he’s just that good with birthdays or the whole St. Patrick’s Day hoopla reminded him.
“Wow, we’ll have to wish him a happy birthday, then, which day is it?” I asked in my sweetest, mom’s patronizing kind of voice... you know the one you hated when you were a kid... yeah, I know, I want to kick myself sometimes, too...
“It’s tomorrow,” Little guy said, matter of factly, “We’ll have to bake him a cake. Shammy likes chocolate with chocolate frosting...” he smiled, that very large, I’m too cute not to do my bidding smile and added, “with sprinkles... Shammy loves sprinkles.”
Okay, it’s official, my five year old is smarter than I am. Guess who’s baking a cake this weekend....
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