As the title tag of my blog would suggest, the major topic of choice for me at the moment is the whole conundrum of who we are as people. Okay, more truthfully, who I am. When I had my first child I took on the mantle of motherhood. That's not a bad thing and it's rather unavoidable in the circumstances. But, instead of being, 'Merry', the goofy, quirky, literary demon, who gets lost while driving (as I live under the delusion that all expressways lead where ever I'm going). Instead of being someone who writes well, argues often, laughs at the absurd, bends a few with friends, likes to shoot stick, yells at the tv during Cubs games (also unavoidable), and has many more layers - I became the one thing. The only thing. Somebody's mom.
Kate N Mia's Mom paid me a really high compliment yesterday. She said how I can write well and be a mom was remarkable... (I thank you with link love - it's also a compliment you should pay yourself). Even though it is a compliment, it brings me back to what has, over the past few years, become a running theme for me. Why do we have to be one thing? I'm not heading for a feminist rant here, but I don't know any men that cease to exist as people the minute their first child is born. My husband is a father of three. But the only people who view him primarily as a dad are his own children. To everyone else he's the same person he was before, or whatever he's evolved into for them in the last ten years.
Maybe it's because he doesn't take the responsibility of full time parenting. Maybe it's the way the world turns things, and makes you fall into this or that category. Maybe it's because in the nearly ten years since my first child was born I have built my life around that role of motherhood, because it is my primary career. That's my full time job and it has no retirement date.
So, while I've been wandering around in prose, some of you may have stumbled through, thinking, 'So what's her friggin' point?' You can be a mom and still be a person. You can place raising your children as the highest of your priorities and still harbor dreams and chase ambition. I'll take it further still, you owe it to yourself and your children to be everything you can be, to do all that you can do, and to chase your happiness. My kids need my time and love and effort, and they get that. It means writing in the middle of the night and not having what some other lucky writers have - peace and quiet and support on their journey... That I can hack, right now it's a balance and that's okay. But putting them first doesn't mean I give up on me, it's only a detour.
I'm somebody's mother... But I'm not your mother, so you shouldn't see me as a mom, see me as a person. If you're going to judge me, judge me for me, not my label. If you're a writing mom, dad, just a blogging fool, and you have an opinion here, let me hear it - I'd love to discuss.