Friday, September 28, 2007

Rules of Engagement - Blogging Style

It’s come to my attention that a number of bloggers out there have been looking for hard and fast rules on running a successful blog. They dispute whether or not such a thing might exist, not a successful blog but the fact that there might in fact be rules of engagement... Well, there are. Here’s a short list to get you going:

Claim Expertise: To run a successful blog you have to be an expert – never mind the fact that you’re not qualified to pick bellybutton lint from your own navel – just lie. Here in cyber space you are who you say you are – nobody really checks those pesky credentials. Pick any old profession and just say it’s who you are – it’s gotta be more interesting than the truth, right?

Show Some Personality: Hell, it doesn’t even have to be your own. To get return visitors, they need to be amused by what you have to say and who you are (not really, just who they think you are) Put up some great pictures of yourself... okay, what if you’re neither pretty or palatable? No biggie – see that picture up on my blog? Yeah, that’s some lady whose picture was on the memory of the last cell phone I boosted – (psst – regular blog readers, please disregard, come back tomorrow and believe me some more)

Just the Facts, Mam: People read blogs to learn stuff, right? So post a lot of interesting facts on your topic of choice... If you’ve claimed expertise on something you don’t understand, even better, then you can just make stuff up... Oh, and those pesky commentors who call you out when you’re lying, just delete them, they’ll go away eventually.

Pay Some Visits: There are quick and easy ways to market your blog for free – just hit every blog you see with a comment – save some more time and don’t bother to read the blog, just leave your link with something pithy to get them interested, like “Will Blog For Food”... or, oh, “Naked Blogging” – that one works pretty good.

Don’t Shoot the Messenger: For those of you ready to beat me with swizzle sticks, blame the evil, wordvixen for putting me up to this post... her little writing assignment was to give the worst blog advice you could think of, or something like that...

For my part, I’m passing this challenge on to Shelly Bryant, FF&F, Ello, and Mary Witzl

Good luck, and drop me a link when you guys have posted yours!


The Anti-Wife said...

Want to win a million bucks? Stop by my blog to see how!

(Am I on the right track?)

Merry Jelinek said...

Yeah, that's pretty good... though putting up a link with money signs and dancing women would work even better... or in my case, dancing men, but whatever.

Thanks for stopping in, anti-wife, how are you doing?

Ello said...

here is my response! I hope I got it right!

Ello said...

Darn - it didn't work. Well you know where to look!

Ello said...

Merry - I've linked you too! But seriously, your blog roll is so huge it takes several minutes for your page to load up!

So you noticed I followed my one piece of bad advice and didn't tag anyone, huh? Hee hee!

Merry Jelinek said...

Okay, there... I have to contact blogging chicks to let them know I took down their blogroll banner, but is it paging up better?

hifidel said...

Hey Merry,

Thanks for the tag. I am in the middle of a discussion about Shakespeare's Cymbeline at my blog now, so I'll put my post up when I finish that (sometime in the next few days).

By the way, this is some really good bad advice. Funny stuff -- but, er, much too common in practice.

moonrat said...

hey! awesome book review for INTERRED... i've wanted to read it since i saw the PW blurb a couple of months ago.

you should check out The Book Book (at're always looking for new reviewers and it looks like you're doing reviews anyway... you could just copy and paste! but the more the merrier.

Ello said...

Yep it is a fast page load now! So much better! Sorry you lost your blog rolling thingofajiggy! It looked cool.

Merry Jelinek said...

Hi Shelly,

I saw that discussion when I stopped in to let you know you were tagged! I'll be stopping back over soon to read it more fully and comment - I'm woefully behind on actual writing at the moment. (I'll email you on that in a few)

Hi Moonrat,

Nice to meet you. You'll love Interred, it was really well done. I'll stop over and check out the book reviews soon, thanks for the invite.

Hi again, ello,

I'd rather have it page up quicker than keep the blogging chicks thingy. There's another blog I visit that takes forever to page up and I don't stop by very often because of it - so it's better, I think, to have the content without all the bells and whistles.

Ello said...

Definitely agree with that!

Travis Erwin said...

Great bad advice.

I was hit with the same evil missive, but I'm gonna have to think about my "advice" for a day or two before I dole it out.

Merry Jelinek said...

Hey Travis,

Glad you liked the advice, I can't wait to see what you come up with!

Jerseygirl89 said...

So, do you think I should change the topic of my blog now that I am a world-renowned physics professor?


Eryl Shields said...

Hi, I'm working backwards through this meme having been tagged by Mary Witzl. You have done a great job with the rubric.

I'll hang about a bit longer to read some more of your posts, being a would be writer who has been a stay at home mum for over twenty years your blog looks to be just my cup of tea.

Travis Erwin said...

Just thought I'd let you now mine is up if you're interested.

Merry Jelinek said...

Hey Jerseygirl!

Change the topic of your blog? Nah, let the ruffians figure it out!

Hi Eryl,

Thanks for stopping in - I've seen your comments floating around at a few other writing blogs, I'll have to stop over and see your blog, too. Make yourself at home and pour a cup of coffee, or tea if you prefer... I don't blog about the kids nearly as much as I thought when I started this, but lots of writerly type discussion.

Hi Travis,

I already stopped by, as I couldn't resist. Thanks for letting me know it was up.

hifidel said...

Mine's up Merry. You can find it at my new place.

Thanks for the tag -- it was fun!

spinayarn said...

Merry my post is up at communati, I am having trouble posting the link in the comment here.
Thanks for letting me play!

Cubs at 3:07 today!

Merry Jelinek said...

Hi Shelly,

I saw it up and I'll be back over to comment.

Hi Ralph,

Great post, for those of you wishing to visit, you can find it here