It’s come to my attention that a number of bloggers out there have been looking for hard and fast rules on running a successful blog. They dispute whether or not such a thing might exist, not a successful blog but the fact that there might in fact be rules of engagement... Well, there are. Here’s a short list to get you going:
Claim Expertise: To run a successful blog you have to be an expert – never mind the fact that you’re not qualified to pick bellybutton lint from your own navel – just lie. Here in cyber space you are who you say you are – nobody really checks those pesky credentials. Pick any old profession and just say it’s who you are – it’s gotta be more interesting than the truth, right?
Show Some Personality: Hell, it doesn’t even have to be your own. To get return visitors, they need to be amused by what you have to say and who you are (not really, just who they think you are) Put up some great pictures of yourself... okay, what if you’re neither pretty or palatable? No biggie – see that picture up on my blog? Yeah, that’s some lady whose picture was on the memory of the last cell phone I boosted – (psst – regular blog readers, please disregard, come back tomorrow and believe me some more)
Just the Facts, Mam: People read blogs to learn stuff, right? So post a lot of interesting facts on your topic of choice... If you’ve claimed expertise on something you don’t understand, even better, then you can just make stuff up... Oh, and those pesky commentors who call you out when you’re lying, just delete them, they’ll go away eventually.
Pay Some Visits: There are quick and easy ways to market your blog for free – just hit every blog you see with a comment – save some more time and don’t bother to read the blog, just leave your link with something pithy to get them interested, like “Will Blog For Food”... or, oh, “Naked Blogging” – that one works pretty good.
Don’t Shoot the Messenger: For those of you ready to beat me with swizzle sticks, blame the evil, wordvixen for putting me up to this post... her little writing assignment was to give the worst blog advice you could think of, or something like that...
For my part, I’m passing this challenge on to Shelly Bryant, FF&F, Ello, and Mary Witzl
Good luck, and drop me a link when you guys have posted yours!