Two of my favorite bloggers, Dana and Believin, set me a challenge to discuss how I find balance. I might take that as how I find balance in my writing life, between paying assignments and fiction. I might take that as finding balance between work and motherhood… I might take that any number of ways, I suppose, but the truth is, across the board, I don’t. I am forever imbalanced.
I have friends that have described me as over analytical, and to some extent they’re right. I like to pick apart situations, literature, nuances of writing to find some kernel of uncharted territory or hidden meaning. I pick apart conversations and do much of the same; a good deal of my life is spent in my own head – only paying partial attention to the world around me as I wander through it. By the same token, I am the flighty nitwit who doesn’t look before she leaps. That’s me, the girl who gets in the car with no directions to a place she’s never been and assumes all roads will lead where she’s going. This drives people crazy. Personally, I kind of like the adventure and I really don’t mind being late or missing something entirely if I’ve been present in another experience.
Two ends of the spectrum, but both of them are very much me. Does this give me balance? Not in the least. I teeter, dance, run, and fall often. Occasionally I can do little but crawl through. All nighters to finish what I’m responsible for, lack of motivation on days that don’t have absolute deadlines…. In life, in writing, in everything. For me, balance is not a state I’m familiar with and I don’t quite know what I’d do with it if ever I should attain that perception. I twirl in the middle of the room, stagger, fall, slide, laugh, and fall on my ass quite often. So far I’ve always gotten back up.
Balance would be easier, maybe. Maybe those with balance don’t need to rush through some things and are more at peace… What I’m finding with all of the over analytical introspection is that it does not balance out the flakey, fly by the seat of my pants side of me…. Instead it only replaces the reality of life with a daydream of what life might mean or could be… Possibly every writer out there does this to some extent, daydreams scenarios while they should be living in them… I think I prefer to teeter and dance, stumble and fall, and laugh a whole lot. But, balance? Well, perhaps I’m just not that graceful on my journey………..