Saturday, June 09, 2007

My Dream Image - Thank you, Mig!!!!



Mig at Pamil Visions created this wonderful piece for me from a photo. I thought I would share it on my blog. If you follow the link to Mig's post, 'Let Me Unleash Your Dreams', she explains a bit about dreamcatchers and the meaning behind the wonderful artwork. Plus there's another excellent piece there which you all might like to see.

Thank you again, Mig. You do fabulous work.

Miscellaneous post about boozing squirrels



My friend sent me this lovely boozing squirrel in a comment on myspace a few days ago... her comment ran something along the lines of, "They're playing again today, better start drinking early" For those of you who are not Cubs fans, you might not get this... but we had a bit of a rough patch... er, em... okay, we'll they're the Cubs we have rough patches continually and then, being Cubs fans, two or three wins will bring back our eternal optimism...

Okay, all of that is off the point. I lurved the squirrel.... and, as those of you who were also avid Miss Snark fans can attest.... this is probably a quite fitting tribute to the absence of Miss Snark and Killer Yap... So here's the question of the hour - is he drinking in victory celebration or from loneliness?

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Mom and More

As the title tag of my blog would suggest, the major topic of choice for me at the moment is the whole conundrum of who we are as people. Okay, more truthfully, who I am. When I had my first child I took on the mantle of motherhood. That's not a bad thing and it's rather unavoidable in the circumstances. But, instead of being, 'Merry', the goofy, quirky, literary demon, who gets lost while driving (as I live under the delusion that all expressways lead where ever I'm going). Instead of being someone who writes well, argues often, laughs at the absurd, bends a few with friends, likes to shoot stick, yells at the tv during Cubs games (also unavoidable), and has many more layers - I became the one thing. The only thing. Somebody's mom.

Kate N Mia's Mom paid me a really high compliment yesterday. She said how I can write well and be a mom was remarkable... (I thank you with link love - it's also a compliment you should pay yourself). Even though it is a compliment, it brings me back to what has, over the past few years, become a running theme for me. Why do we have to be one thing? I'm not heading for a feminist rant here, but I don't know any men that cease to exist as people the minute their first child is born. My husband is a father of three. But the only people who view him primarily as a dad are his own children. To everyone else he's the same person he was before, or whatever he's evolved into for them in the last ten years.

Maybe it's because he doesn't take the responsibility of full time parenting. Maybe it's the way the world turns things, and makes you fall into this or that category. Maybe it's because in the nearly ten years since my first child was born I have built my life around that role of motherhood, because it is my primary career. That's my full time job and it has no retirement date.

So, while I've been wandering around in prose, some of you may have stumbled through, thinking, 'So what's her friggin' point?' You can be a mom and still be a person. You can place raising your children as the highest of your priorities and still harbor dreams and chase ambition. I'll take it further still, you owe it to yourself and your children to be everything you can be, to do all that you can do, and to chase your happiness. My kids need my time and love and effort, and they get that. It means writing in the middle of the night and not having what some other lucky writers have - peace and quiet and support on their journey... That I can hack, right now it's a balance and that's okay. But putting them first doesn't mean I give up on me, it's only a detour.

I'm somebody's mother... But I'm not your mother, so you shouldn't see me as a mom, see me as a person. If you're going to judge me, judge me for me, not my label. If you're a writing mom, dad, just a blogging fool, and you have an opinion here, let me hear it - I'd love to discuss.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

I Hate Freelance Writing Today

I hate freelance writing today... whine, whine, moan, moan.... I have a bunch of articles and an e-book edit due out, none of which are painful, but I’m itching to get back to my edits.

In a perfect world, I could work eight hours a day on just my fiction. I keep picking it up anyway, it’s just flowing so well right now and I hate to stop working on it. But then, the freelance will pay in a matter of weeks, where the fiction won’t even be ready for submission for a few months – and there’s no guarantee of payment at all there.

I wasn’t supposed to work on the fiction at all yesterday, but I wound up allotting myself one hour to work on the chapter I was on.... that hour turned into the whole day, because it was just flowing so well. I’m in the editing process and the first few revisions get the story out, but at this stage of the game it’s all about making sure that the reader is involved, all of the plotlines are going the right way and none of them dead end or waver. I’m cutting all of the back story, which seemed so necessary in the heat of creation but I know only serves to pull the reader back from the experience.

As a means to pat myself on the back some, the chapter I just finished was torture to write originally. It bored me to tears, but had to be in because it introduced key characters. I’m sure those of you who write have been there – you know what has to be said, and where the characters should go, but it’s torture getting it on the page... Well, after a full day of tooling re-tooling, playing and finagling, I love this chapter... it brings you right into the character’s head without spoon feeding at all, and if you’ve read my posts before you know that’s my main flaw in writing.

So what’s on the agenda today? Finish the e-book edits and send, get a leg up on the articles due out this week, and not touch the fiction until after I hit my quota if at all.... And what’s sitting in front of me right this second? A hot cup of coffee and my next chapter.... maybe just one hour on my fiction first.....

Monday, May 28, 2007

I Think It's Gone For Good

I think it's really gone for good. www.writingup.com was an excellent community for the newbie blogger. I started my first blog there over a year ago, and found that I loved blogging, more for the interaction than I would have thought. We had book discussions and debates, we linked each other and had games. Writing Challenges abounded and people actually got to know one another, more than only by screen moniker.

I've been checking back there from time to time, having made the switch to blogger a while ago, when it seemed destined that the site would eventually be gone for good. In the last few months that site became like a ghost town, a few of the bloggers hung around trying to maintain what we had all built together... Yes, I know John built the site - but anyone could have done what he did, it was the rare commodity of writers with spirit, ideas, and a willingness to openly share without looking for the mythical gold that was promised and only, if made at all, deposited into the site owner's paypal accounts... Well, over the last week I've attempted to stop at some of my favorite old blogs a number of times and the site has not been up at all... not that this is news for writingup, but I tend to doubt at this point that it will ever return.

It was, as I said, a great place to learn. I met more wonderful writers there than I could believe, landed my first paying gigs through references and resources found within the blogs, and had better literary and process discussions than I was able to find since college days... If you look in my blog roll you'll see a number of blogs that are on writingup - hopefully I can replace all of those with the blogger's new sites, because they are all fantastic... If you're stopping by and I haven't got you yet, drop me a link.

For me, I'm bowing my head in a small moment of silence to that little corner of cyberspace that gave me so much to ponder, and new ways to interact in writing...

The Thinking Blogger

I have been awarded the

Thank you, Show in Tale for thinking of me!!!!

Show in Tale was awarded the thinking blogger award by another great blogger, Silken who I would’ve listed in my own awards, but she’s already received one, congratulations, Silken!!!

Here is my list of five bloggers who are great to visit, and always make me think... often they make me laugh as well, which is always great fun....

1. Laura Spencer at Writing Thoughts I just found her in the last month or two and have been picking back through posts on a fairly regular basis... any writer moms, writers, or freelancers out there will find Laura’s blog both insightful and fun to read.

2. Dana Prince is another great blog for the writer or freelancer... I first met Dana at my original blog place, writingup (now, I think, defunct) but I’ve followed her as ‘marleymauve’ and under her real name around the Internet and back... all of her other blogs and topic editing positions should be listed at the one linked – she’s a great wealth of information – and wonderful conversation as well.

3. Jersey Girl is a fun romp from the stay at home mom’s perspective.... This girl knows how to infuse a little fun, and an occasional dirty mind, into the humdrum life of the full time mother (yeah, like we have any time to be bored)... She’s a great read on topics of marriage, children, and education... for whatever type of mom you are.

4. Quantamama is another great read for the moms among us... Her blogs are both fun and insightful and you’ll find a lot more there than child raising tips..... always with a dose of good humor.

5. The Writer Mama authored by Christina Katz who recently released a book through Writer’s Digest under the same name... this blog has a wealth of information for the writer, and the mother.... her blog roll in itself is priceless... Anyone out there who writes for a living, or thinks they might like to, would have a fabulous time exploring her blog.

*Should the bloggers choose to participate, please make sure to pass the rules on to the next Thinking Blogs you tag.

The participation rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.

2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.

3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).

This award was began by ilker yoldas at The Thinking Blog. I hope to follow the links to some more great bloggers out there who make us think.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Final Discussion on The Mists of Avalon - Fated Love

This will be the third, and final, discussion on The Mists of Avalon. If you missed the first two, go check them out:

Second Discussion

First Discussion

If anyone else is thinking of holding a book club blog – let me know in the comments so I can follow along.

Treatment of Love



There are certainly other things to analyze when talking about this novel, but the treatment of love and ‘fated’ love never fails to capture my attention. Why is it, I wonder, that stories are more poignant when we are assured of true love, but in the end it never works out. Maybe it adds to the drama. Maybe it keeps us turning pages because, really, what’s more boring than ‘happily ever after’? Well, it’s not so boring if you get to live it, but maybe it’s more fun to watch the chase... or maybe, being faulty humans, we always want what we can’t have – but then, that would make these cases less about true love and more about pride and vanity, wouldn’t it?

Well, then, I suppose I’m digressing. In The Mists of Avalon we see fated love in many different facets. Of course there is the love triangle between King Arthur, Gwenhwyfar, and Lancelot. In this telling, Arthur seems to love his wife but there is always the underlying duty of it – it is his wife, though not by choice. Gwenhwyfar and Lancelot share a deeper love, one that can’t be denied, even though duty commands it.

Then we have Ingraine and Uther... and in one passage we find that this, apparent fated love was connived... while we believed that Uther and Ingraine shared a life before as King and Queen of Atlantis, in fact it was Viviane’s past life, her soul mate, “...And in a searing moment, Viviane knew why no man had ever been more to her than duty, or a path to power, or a night’s pleasure...”(p.194)

Maybe you all have a different sensibility here than I do. Does duty bear a higher responsibility than love? If not, why do we find it so fascinating when characters choose to forego happiness to retain honor? Maybe women see this differently, too. My sensibility tells me that true love is not replaceable. That foregoing the chance to be with a fated love is throwing away the greatest gift and one that will not come again. It also tells me that if you can walk away from this type of love, for any reason, it wasn’t really all that you imagined in your mind. I think the real thing would be worth any consequence... but maybe that’s naive.

It seems to me that the male sensibility is that all loves are replaceable. Maybe I’m wrong here, but that’s how it seems... So how about you? What was your take on the depiction of love, fated or otherwise in this telling?

Friday, May 18, 2007

Spoon Feeding = Bad

I’m currently embroiled in the process of editing my novel. I think a lot of new writers, and non writers, underestimate the importance of the editing process... so when you say, “I’m editing”, they think, ‘oh, checking the spelling and punctuation...’

The largest part of this, for me, is concentrating on keeping it active and getting rid of the dreaded back story... Back story is the enemy, and I, my friends, am a rampant spoon feeder. I know, in my head, everything that’s brought them here (my characters, that is). I know the intricacies of how, when, where, what and why... but I’m impatient in the first few drafts and have a tendency to tell you exactly how it works.

Writers hear things such as, ‘show don’t tell’ and think they have it locked if they just eliminate the passive verbs... it helps, but that’s not the only factor. Telling information in an active way is no better than telling it in a non active way... It’s all passive.

So, currently, I’m removing all back story which is moving the story faster, but in spots it’s also hard to do... When I’m done with this revision, I may have to go back and add some foreshadowing to beef up the descriptive passages... it’s also a balance where to drop these little nuggets of information, so that the reader maintains a good understanding of the characters’ motivation...

But here’s my philosophical thought for the day. Back story in a novel is often part of the characters’ history – it’s in their past with respect to this telling. It will also completely stop the movement of your story and take the reader out of the action... Just like your own memories and history can take you out of the motion of life today... Spoon Feeding = bad. In fiction and in life.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Second Discussion on Mists of Avalon - Religious Duality

This is the second post on the book club discussion of the Mists of Avalon.

You can find the first discussion on the Sacred Feminine, here

For today’s discussion I’d like to start with the religious connotations inherent in the text. Duality seems to permeate the story in many ways, and my reading of it almost seems to take the pagan ideal of both male and female, god and goddess, and transplant that into the dueling philosophies discussed in the text. While the Priestesses of Avalon centered solely on the goddess, only making passive mention of the horned god and almost relegating him to a position of doing their bidding and then going away... the Christians and their one God became the Patriarchal symbol.

I found it interesting that the women, though possibly on purpose as the main idea was to focus on the female perspective... but the women were painted in the more accepting, less judgmental light. The character of Viviane said repeatedly that the God of Christianity wouldn’t allow for any other gods, while their view was that there was room for all belief... The thing I found interesting here is that their obvious contempt for all things Christian, marked their words as hypocrisy... at least for me.

We talked at length about the bending over backwards for the feminine perspective in this rewrite of Arthurian Legend in my last post. I do love the writing and I think the story itself was ingenious in bringing a new light to an old tale... But because the focus on the feminine permeates all aspects, I think that topic will come up here, and in any discussion about the text. Here’s what I’m wondering. Do you think it was intentional, to show these female characters hypocritically in relation to their behavior toward the male dominated religion? And what do you make of the negative inferences that Christianity bound its women to a life of powerless servitude? Do you find that to be an honest rendition of the time period or as another means to draw negativity toward Christianity while highlighting pagan virtues?

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Self-Censor; Enemy of the Tale

I'm interrupting the regularly scheduled blog to bring you the following walk down memory lane. In cleaning out my old blog, I've decided to repost some of my more favorite entries. This one was posted in January of 2006 on the subject of self-censorship in writing - hopefully it can spawn a good discussion here, as well.

Self-Censorship in Writing



We've all heard of censorship, been incensed by it, and devoured a number of those devilish books to see what all the fuss was over... Most often when the word, 'censorship' gets bandied about in conversation, it illicets visions of small minded people building bon fires to burn hard written work that they have never bothered to read or understand... It is a thing of ignorance more often than anything.

Though that form of censorship is a far reaching topic, and one I may expound on at a later date, what I'm thinking of here is far more ominous... the writer's worst enemy: Self Censorship!!!!

There is a wonderful thing that happens to most writers during the course of creating their vision, the muse takes over and words you didn't have to try for just pour forth as if something greater than meager little you is moving your pen (or fingers across the keyboard, as the case may be). But so many times, what is true in your writing, what is most heartfelt and honest, is squelched by the person who should be championing these words the most; you, the writer.

There are numerous reasons for this type of censorship, but it never fails to weaken the truth of the telling. If it is fiction, there is an underlying worry that friends, family, enemies, etc... will detect some bit of themselves in the characters and balk, or be offended. Worse still, they will fail to understand the difference between fact and fiction and will assume that the main character's feelings, thoughts, and actions are the author's. What if your main character is an ass, racist, bum, drunken circus performer.... it may make for excellent fiction, but do you want your mother in law eyeing you over the Thanksgiving Turkey, waiting with bated breath for you to break out your unicyle and juggle, while yelling racial epitaphs?

This is a large and ever reaching topic, and I would like to expound on it in future blogs... Any input would be great. Let me know what you guys think...

Thursday, May 03, 2007

The Mists of Avalon - First Discussion

Long ago, in a blog far, far away, I began a book club blog. The work we were due to discuss those many moons ago was The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley, but time and responsibilities threw me off course. There were a number of readers at my previous blog who were going to partake in that discussion, and I hope they will find it here. For those of you who weren’t aware of the discussion, I hope you’ll stay and contribute. If you’ve read the book, I’m sure you’ve got some insight to share, and if you haven’t you might find it’s one you’d like to pick up.

The Feminine Perspective



I’ll break this up into a number of discussions, because it’s a lengthy book with a myriad of topics to discuss. Today, I’d like to begin with the obvious feminine perspective and reverence to the sacred feminine. On my first reading of the novel I thought it was brilliant, not only for the writing itself but in the author’s ability to take such a well known patriarchal saga and tell it in a new light with deference to its women. That’s not to say that the women are all viewed as good or right, but that their unique vantage point is brought to the front.

Take Morgaine, who history and most retellings cast as the evil adversary. This Morgaine is fully fleshed out, her story is compelling and motives are explained. This Morgaine is not the petty seductress but instead, she herself has been manipulated into her position and the way in which she manages these situations for which she has little power become the crux of women’s fortitude in a male dominated society. I found it revealing, too, that the goddess and priestess used their religion to permit them some form of power over their lives, which were otherwise largely out of their control… but I think the conversation of religion should be relegated to one whole discussion, possibly the next one.

Then, too, the depiction of all of these characters as being more in depth, where even their negative traits and actions are understandable, may have more to do with the sensibilities of society at the time of this novel’s writing than it does in truth have to any feminine characteristic. No longer can we paint one evil character with no means or motive other than evil – to make them breathe we need to understand them and how they came about.

The women here all come with their personal sets of baggage and position. Beauty is often depicted as superior, but obviously so because of the male dominated world rather than its actual credit. What I mean to say here, is through Morgaine’s eyes, beauty is enviable because the world believes it so and she wishes to be viewed as such. I also noticed fatal flaws in those characters deemed beautiful; dreadful unhappiness or an inability to flourish in some way. The two most powerful and knowledgeable of the main female characters are Morgaine and Vivien, both of whom are viewed as small and fairy like, and often called ugly or at least not beautiful. While both of these characters have some semblance of power, they are still very much at the mercy of other forces in many things, such as Vivien’s inability to have true love and her driving need to manipulate those around her for what she believes is the greater good.

Then you have Ingraine, who is both beautiful and inherently good, but whose life is smothered in guilt. When you take a careful look at Ingraine you realize that the powerful women of her life have taken away her choices, and most likely her hope for true love or happiness. Yes, she spent most of her life completely in love with her husband, but that love was the result of a spell more than fate… We find that it wasn’t in fact her fate to be with him, but Vivien’s doing… That love led her to withdraw from all other things, most notably her own children. Her reverence to the new religion led her to forever blame her childbearing problems on her own actions, which were again largely out of her control. But for me, looking at her love for Morgaine prior to her first husband’s death, and then her removal from them after, I can’t help but see her life as very sad and unfulfilling.

Morgause is another of great beauty, but she has no love for anything but power and herself. And then we have Gwenhwyfar, who is both beautiful and good, but is tormented for her entire adult life by the love of a man who she cannot have and the inability to have children which she desperately wants.

Of course, the non beautiful characters have no easy road, either. So I wonder whether the real distinction here is between beauty and non beauty, so much as it is a testament that these outward things have no real bearing on our trials in life. Beauty will not make the road lighter. What do you all think of the feminine portrayal here, or any of the topics above?

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The Killer Shall Remain Nameless....

First a disclaimer - I'm supposed to be posting the first in a series of discussions on The Mists of Avalon that were arranged on my old blog at writingup, Merryone That discussion will start tomorrow, for anyone stopping by for the book club blogs - or anyone interested in following the discussion.

The Killer Shall Remain Nameless



This topic has caught my attention and I'd like to take a little detour from my normal 'writerly' discourse to address it. Of course, you've all been bombarded with the same media frenzy as I have over the last few days. My mind is on the horrific massacre at Virginia Tech.

Here's where my mind reels - articles upon articles, press clips upon press clips, all about the killer. The killer shall forever remain nameless on this blog, and I'll tell you why - he deserves neither fame nor infamy... mental illness is not a good enough claim for what this is - obviously he wasn't sane, I got that. Maybe things should have been done... whatever. But let's look at this for one second. He took a two hour coffee clatch in between shooting unarmed people to send scads of material to NBC News!!! He did this so that you would know his name. It seems to me that most of what he did was so that you would know his name.

To me, he remains nameless. He decided that. He left nothing of worth and, in fact, left a debt so deep that I doubt a life time of good deeds might balance it. He took away a life time of positive influence that thirty two other people might have had on the world.

The other thing that struck me, besides the fact that this fellow's name is all over the news... speculation about his reasoning... what was it in his life?.... why was he so troubled?..... The other thing that struck me was that in one of these rambling tirades he made mention of the columbine killers, who shall also remain nameless here... he called them by name, he spoke of them in reverence... perhaps if their stories weren't propelled to the spotlight... perhaps if the news did not focus on the killers, their lives, their names... this nameless lost soul would have self destructed without taking any innocent people with him... perhaps he wouldn't have self destructed... or maybe at least, he wouldn't have seen a viable way to make his name forever known at the expense of innocent lives.

So let's not speak of the nameless killers. Just for today, for this blog, maybe forever would be a better fix. Let's not look with kindness on his tortured life, giving a new generation of the criminally insane a glimmer of immortality at his example. Why not, instead, remember the lives he extinguished... the ones who deserve to live on in our minds... the ones who deserve the fame they may have earned through their lives and actions had they only been left with the chance.

There's a site up, devoted to these victims.... if you must study some portion of this tragedy, honor them, rather than the nameless killer...

Names to Remember

One person that I will spotlight here, because the story so touched me, was a professor at the school named Liviu Librescu. He was a Holocaust survivor... The man made it through the terrors of the holocaust!!!!! He died, holding the doors closed in order for his class to escape through the windows.... He was shot through the door in his attempt to hold off the killer and allow his students a chance to get to safety. His heroism saved his students' lives.

Liviu Librescu, there's a name to remember.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Author's Promotions on the Cheap

Hello my fellow readers, writers, and bloggers extraordinaire. I was sent this link in an email, but it may just be the funniest, cleverest example I've seen of author self promotion in a while.

The Author's Promotions

If you get time, and I hope you do, go and check out what she's done. There is humor, color coordination, and a violated refrigerator, if that piques your interest.

I don't know the author, or the book, but from what I've seen, I'll definitely go out on a limb and buy a copy. How about you guys? What do you think of her form of promotion and does it make you want to read further?

Friday, April 13, 2007

Ethics in Ghostwriting

In another post, found at Laura Spencer’s blog, the discussion on ethics in freelance continues… For those of you not aware, there have been a number of blogs posted lately debating the ethics of ghostwriting.

I did drop a rough response at Lillie Ammann’s Blog on the subject, but thought a fuller post detailing my answers to some really profound questions posed by Ms. Spencer would be a great springboard for discussion. For those of you interested, both Laura Spencer and Lillie Ammann included thoughtful insights into the topic as well as a host of excellent links to follow for other writer’s opinions. Here are my answers:

1. Would you completely write a book, play, or other creative work and allow someone else to have the credit?

Most definitely not!!! But that’s not to say that I consider it unethical, I’m not judging anyone else’s mode of writing – for me, fiction is out as far as ghost writing is concerned.

2. Would you write a blog and allow someone else to claim it as their own?

Yes. Not all business owners can write well or capture an audience, but blogs are a fantastic way to keep constantly updated information on your website and to build a community feel for your business. I don’t see anything wrong with hiring a ghost blogger to update company blogs on a regular basis.

3. Would you use a pen name or pseudonym?

Yes – actually, my byline for fiction is my maiden name, which for me is more my own than my married name and I prefer to keep it that way… I use my legal name for non fiction, freelance, and this blog as a matter of fact – as well as editing.
I don’t see anything wrong with a pen name, and am not quite sure how it made it into the topic of writing ethics – many authors have multiple facets of interest and they may not want their primary writing to cross over to their side or hobby work… say a children’s author with a pension for erotica – you can see how the pseudonym might come in handy there.

4. Would you write a nonfiction piece and allow someone (or something as in the case of a company) to have the credit?

Yes, and I have done this type of ghost writing. There are certain instances where this may border on ethic dilemma, but that’s up to the writer to study and decide.

5. Would you write someone’s term paper for them?

NO! NO! NO! Anyone who writes a student’s work, thesis, anything along these lines, is as much of a cheating lowlife as the student who hired them… This is a huge pet peeve with me – but let me just clarify, in case some ‘writer’ who’s done this stumbles upon my blog – You are not a writer if you take this kind of work – you are a dishonest moron enabling a new generation to miss out on their education and infiltrate the world with mediocrity.

I’ve actually covered the ethics of cheating college students and the idiots who enable them in multiple posts at my old blog, Merryone Those posts will probably be moved here eventually, as I clean out the old blog of the extraneous and move the better nuggets here.

I would like to take the time to invite any writer, freelancer, or reader to respond to the above questions, or simply post their own take on ethics in writing on their respective blogs. Drop a link here so that I can find you – or drop a comment to more fully discuss.

Friday, April 06, 2007

An Imbalanced Life

Two of my favorite bloggers, Dana and Believin, set me a challenge to discuss how I find balance. I might take that as how I find balance in my writing life, between paying assignments and fiction. I might take that as finding balance between work and motherhood… I might take that any number of ways, I suppose, but the truth is, across the board, I don’t. I am forever imbalanced.

I have friends that have described me as over analytical, and to some extent they’re right. I like to pick apart situations, literature, nuances of writing to find some kernel of uncharted territory or hidden meaning. I pick apart conversations and do much of the same; a good deal of my life is spent in my own head – only paying partial attention to the world around me as I wander through it. By the same token, I am the flighty nitwit who doesn’t look before she leaps. That’s me, the girl who gets in the car with no directions to a place she’s never been and assumes all roads will lead where she’s going. This drives people crazy. Personally, I kind of like the adventure and I really don’t mind being late or missing something entirely if I’ve been present in another experience.

Two ends of the spectrum, but both of them are very much me. Does this give me balance? Not in the least. I teeter, dance, run, and fall often. Occasionally I can do little but crawl through. All nighters to finish what I’m responsible for, lack of motivation on days that don’t have absolute deadlines…. In life, in writing, in everything. For me, balance is not a state I’m familiar with and I don’t quite know what I’d do with it if ever I should attain that perception. I twirl in the middle of the room, stagger, fall, slide, laugh, and fall on my ass quite often. So far I’ve always gotten back up.

Balance would be easier, maybe. Maybe those with balance don’t need to rush through some things and are more at peace… What I’m finding with all of the over analytical introspection is that it does not balance out the flakey, fly by the seat of my pants side of me…. Instead it only replaces the reality of life with a daydream of what life might mean or could be… Possibly every writer out there does this to some extent, daydreams scenarios while they should be living in them… I think I prefer to teeter and dance, stumble and fall, and laugh a whole lot. But, balance? Well, perhaps I’m just not that graceful on my journey………..

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Trying to get a little work in

So many things to do. My writing is taking off but it takes so much time to stay on top of it, and there is only so much time in the day. I got the kids off to school and debated with myself to keep away from the damn computer. I know, once I've started, I'll barely get any housework or bills taken care of until dinner time. That's what happens, I spend hours writing, what should take me half the time, because I keep getting interrupted here and there and everywhere. I should spend a good few hours straightening up first, I know.


If I could only stay on a good routine, maybe I could begin to improve my time. Get the writing out quicker, and get back to regular submissions. I prefer to take my time on the fiction, crossing the t's and dotting the I's, relishing every moment of prose. But the freelance, it doesn't pay to take all the time you need to make impeccable prose. To make a decent venture of it, it seems that being quick and precise is better than being good.



I wonder if there's a market out there for good. There used to be. Business writing was a finesse and you could take your time knowing the wage would be fair at the end of the assignment. So many business people just want content now, not knowing the difference between good and barely readable. Wouldn't it make better sense to pay one writer a good wage to make their website look professional? I know I don't give much credence to a website with shlock writing, why would anyone else?



If I could take my time with the business writing, I might enjoy it better, but right now it's just a means to an end... A little way to make money from writing while I'm working on the real work of fiction.... We'll see where it goes.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

so much to do so little time

so much to do
so little time,
It gets away from me it seems

I have to face
the chores and day
when I'd much rather stay in dreams

Too much to say
people to please
and yet the reverie plays on

barely started
turn around
and now the sun is almost gone....

The mothers stress
from day to day
to live and learn each day anew

to live for them
still toil and strive
to reach the place my soul is true.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Working with the kids home

So two of my three kids are home for the day. The doctor said that they can go back to school tomorrow, and they will be fine, though I'm going to pull my hair out if I keep trying to work!!!

I've bid a few assignments this morning and tweeked my short, short story entry, to send out to a writer's circle of friends for opinions and advice on revisions before its deadline. It's not due out until the beginning of December, but it's always better to get it done and out of my hands, otherwise I'll procrastinate that last step.

I've put off submitting, or going after any sort of paying work for writing for the last nine years. I've been working on my fiction. I never stopped the writing, but I've been too busy with my full time profession, stay at home mom, to really pursue making a living at writing. The time is right. My youngest is in pre-school now and it's either go after the dream, or resign myself to some office job that I don't love once the kids are all in school. We've made due on one income in order for me to stay home and raise my own children, but we can't save effectively, or be ready for college and all of that without the extra income - my goal is not to give up the dream....

I'm going to make it work. I have this year to get my income up to a respectable level, if I can do that, it'll be permanent. If I can do that, I won't have to settle for a job that's just good enough until my kids are grown. If I can do that, I can be what I've always envisioned for myself. Hard road? Damn right, but it's worth a shot - better to try and fail than never know. I'm optimistic and it's already picking up. We'll see where tomorrow goes.

But for today, I have two kids sitting at the kitchen table doing artwork.... Today, I'll play, because that's as much my job as the laundry and cooking - and a lot more fun.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Pink Eye and other dilema's

This morning, two of my three children woke up with red puffy eyes that are quite probably pink eye.... ughhhh...... I won't know for sure until after their doctor's appointment. Neither are in pain, they're running around, healthy as can be..... but not at school, today, my planned day to clean up the left over Halloween garbage and get the house in order for the coming holidays... or at least start to get the house in order................

So that's my dilemma today. I know, it doesn't sound like much, but sometimes it seems like you just can't get a break at all. I just got out an assignment last night, finished the one for today, and was looking forward to some personal time of catch up...... well, I guess it's better to have to postpone housework than it would be a day at the spa........... like I ever get one of those!

So what do you do with two children who are home sick all day? They can't just watch tv for the whole time, and they're not sick enough to want to lay down.... maybe I can get them to do housework ;-)

Oh well, more later I guess.....

Friday, November 03, 2006

Where's My Pants?

For any of you that work at home, you know the distractions are endless. Writing can be a challenging thing, when you don't get much in the way of quiet time. Add to that the fact that your unfinished housework stares back at you any time you sit down to try to get a handle on the actual work at hand....

So, you finally get the housework under some type of control, and you sit at your computer screen and start in earnest at your latest assignment, the perfect phrase to state your client's concept leaps to mind, finger in mid-strike, when a small voice screams from near you left hand side, "Mommy!!!! Look, look, look.... I can do a cartwheel, see?" Okay, take time for your four year old, pay a little attention, not that you weren't paying attention as you served his breakfast, dressed him for the day, read a story, played with play-doh, got him his snack....

Okay, where was I? Oh, the blank page... what was it I was going to say? Need a cup of coffee, have a quick snack, trudge back to the blank page after having wasted thirty minutes, oh, yes, you remember exactly the right phrase.... finger in mid strike....

"Hey, Where's my pants?" Comes the loud shout of hubby type person from two floors up... hmm, who the hell dressed him before we got married? How is it that you have to yell through the house for someone else to find your pants? And why in God's green earth didn't he just look in the closet, where they always are? ughh........... maybe they don't take this writing thing seriously.